tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19799018955076421262024-03-05T07:47:06.657-08:00Nothing, Yet EverythingArianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.comBlogger138125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-32422000384806707932024-01-28T19:30:00.000-08:002024-01-28T19:30:25.596-08:00Project<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I was made to communicate. </div>
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Ever since I was little, people haven't been able to get me to stop talking. It's the number one thing I got in trouble for in elementary school, although these days I've learned to raise my hand before blurting things out. Some things were meant to be, and they are placed in your life for a reason.</div>
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Although I could not have seen it at the time, everything in my life has happened for a reason, namely to tell others about it, to encourage them and to warn them away from the mistakes I made.</div>
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Because in all honesty, we all have the urging to minister to those who are trapped in what we were once trapped in. Lately, God's been nudging on my heart to come close to him, to use the gift that he's given me for Him, but I can only do so with any kind of effectiveness when I come close to Him and let Him remove my impurities and the fallen-ness of my human sin nature, to die to myself every day.</div>
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What do I need to talk about?</div>
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Self Hatred.</div>
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It's a heavy topic, and a loaded topic, I know, and one that isn't often discussed, but it needs to be addressed because I was there. I was in the blackness and the evil that is self hatred and thus have the pull and call on my heart to call out to those who may be in the place I was once was, to throw them a life preserver, to beg them not to continue down that path. </div>
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Because while you're in it, though it seems bleak and dark, it doesn't seem abnormal, and trying to stop the pattern seems futile, until you just assume it'll be a part of your life forever. </div>
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But it isn't normal. </div>
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It isn't normal, it isn't healthy, and it doesn't have to be there forever, and it shouldn't be. </div>
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So here's my life preserver. If you're in the place I'll be describing, please take it. Take it from someone who lived in that place way longer than was healthy, you want to leave as soon as you possibly can. It's so much better on the other side. </div>
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So first of all, what is self hatred? We all have times where we are unhappy with ourselves, but what is chronic self hatred, the kind that doesn't go away, but just gets blacker and uglier and manifests into all sorts of character defects and spiritual problems? </div>
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<b style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;">"Self-hatred</b><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;"> (also called </span><b style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;">self-loathing</b><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;">) refers to an extreme dislike or </span><a class="mw-redirect" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hate" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none;" title="Hate">hatred</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;"> of oneself, or being angry at or even </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prejudice" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none;" title="Prejudice">prejudiced</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;"> against oneself. (Wikipedia, I know, never quote wikipedia, but as far as I could see, it had the best definition.)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;">The term "self-hatred" is used infrequently by psychologists and psychiatrists, who would usually describe people who hate themselves as "persons with low </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none;" title="Self-esteem">self-esteem</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;">".</span><sup class="noprint Inline-Template Template-Fact" style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 1; text-align: start; white-space: nowrap;">[<i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Citation_needed" style="background: none; color: #0b0080; text-decoration: none;" title="Wikipedia:Citation needed"><span title="This claim needs references to reliable sources. (September 2010)">citation needed</span></a></i>]</sup><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;"> Self-hatred and </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none;" title="Shame">shame</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;"> are important factors in some or many </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_disorder" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none;" title="Mental disorder">mental disorders</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;">, especially disorders that involve a perceived defect of oneself (e.g. </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none;" title="Body dysmorphic disorder">body dysmorphic disorder</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;">). Self-hatred is also a symptom of many </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none;" title="Personality disorder">personality disorders</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;">, including </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none;" title="Borderline personality disorder">borderline personality disorder</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;">,</span><sup class="reference" id="cite_ref-1" style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 1; text-align: start; unicode-bidi: -webkit-isolate;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-hatred#cite_note-1" style="background: none; color: #0b0080; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;">[1]</a></sup><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;"> as well as </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_(mood)" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none;" title="Depression (mood)">depression</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; text-align: start;">. It can also be linked to guilt. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">Personal self-hatred and self-loathing can result from an </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferiority_complex" style="background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;" title="Inferiority complex">inferiority complex</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">."</span></div>
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Honestly, even talking about it kind of scares me. But it's serious stuff, and I'm going to share part of my story with you that I don't normally share with people because I think it's so important that anyone, ANYONE, who is doing or saying or feeling any of the things I did to stop everything and begin the process of getting out of that mindset. It took me a solid six months to even begin to make headway, that's how bad it was. </div>
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So what happened to me? How did I get to that place?</div>
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I don't really know when it started. But somewhere, back in my childhood, although I had a relatively happy and normal childhood, began an inferiority complex that would haunt me all the way through my teenage years and sometimes even now. It was just little things, like assuming people wouldn't like me, or that I wasn't attractive. It wasn't something that consumed my thoughts, just sometimes I would feel inferior or jealous of those I believed to be better than me or who had more than me. I was unhappy with myself sometimes, but I usually didn't give much thought to it. It wasn't until I entered the teenage years that my life and my perception of myself really began to change. It was simple yet devastating things, like a friend pointing out two pimples on my face, or another calling me fat, or the way people didn't gravitate to me the way they did to the pretty girls, the way guys liked my friends and not me, how no matter how hard I tried, I didn't think I could be pretty or normal or accepted, and yet I desperately, with flailing attempts, tried so hard to be all those things. </div>
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I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be like those girls who had perfect tan skin and shiny hair that never got oily or frizzy and who were skinny and everything looked good on them. I wanted to be the girl that people stopped and stared at, that everyone loved, and I took every person avoiding me, every thoughtless comment as confirmation that I would never be good enough as I was. </div>
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Yet all of that was not quite self hatred yet, because the words hadn't started.</div>
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Because guys, words are incredibly, incredibly powerful. God created the heavens and earth with words. We can put chains around ourselves with words as well, and that's exactly what I did. </div>
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If you've read the post about my testimony ( read <a href="http://windblownwhimsy.blogspot.com/2013/03/by-blood-of-lamb-and-word-of-our.html" target="_blank">here</a> ) then you'll know that the real downhill turning point came after I went on a missions trip and had felt so alone and outcast that I decided I would change whatever I needed to so I wouldn't be that ugly, overweight, awkward, unpopular girl anymore. I was determined I would whip myself into shape. And that's exactly what happened, with devastating consequences. </div>
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I started running, and the action itself didn't cause the problem, it was the attitude I had about it, and the things I said to myself and about myself. I was fighting a war against my body, against myself, against the shell that I felt had so failed me and was so wrong, and that turned into that horrible thing called self hatred.</div>
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I had always been prone to insulting myself, but now it was happening regularly. </div>
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But one instance really marked what I think is the true beginning of the self hatred I naively let into my life. I was on a run, but I don't even remember why I was so furious with myself, maybe I wasn't running hard enough or fast enough, but I remember I just began running as fast as I could, verbally and mentally yelling insults at myself the entire time. </div>
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"You're fat."</div>
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"You'll always be fat."</div>
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"You baby, why can't you run faster?"</div>
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"You're worthless, I take that back, you're LESS than worthless."</div>
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"You won't be anything until you're pretty."</div>
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I was so mean to myself. So as I was running and crying and yelling at myself, and as I went home and poked at my dinner, barely touching my food, something inside me felt dead, and something dark had come inside me. Self hatred had begun, and the battle had only just begun.</div>
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My weight evened out some, but as any insecure person knows, once one "problem" is fixed, a new one commands one's attention. For me, it was my skin. I had had a few breakouts before, but nothing terrible, but I decided to change my routine and began breaking out a lot more, and the dark just became bigger, but in a different way. I began punishing myself for something I couldn't even control. Now the self hatred didn't flare up usually when I was around people. I was always insecure, but the really dark terrible times always happened when I was alone, just me and my room and my mirror. I would stand in front of the mirror literally screaming obscenities and insults at myself, saying things that I wouldn't say to anyone else, but somehow it was okay to say them to myself.</div>
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"You're a monster."</div>
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"You are hideous."</div>
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"No one would ever love you, how could they? What's there to love?"</div>
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" No decent human being looks like you do."</div>
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"You're cursed."</div>
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"Why do you even try? You'll never be pretty or good enough."</div>
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"You are so ugly."</div>
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"Why were you even born?"</div>
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"Why did God even bother to create you?"</div>
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Just looking at them makes me sad, because I can remember those nights, standing in the yellow light of the bathroom mirror, my face distorted with rage and disgust with myself, growling things at myself that I would never consider saying to another human being. </div>
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People, that's not normal.</div>
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The fits of rage and panic and crying, pinching my arms and my thighs because I needed release from the pressure and pain, punching and hitting myself because I felt I deserved punishment for being in the body I was, throwing things at my reflection in mirror, that's not normal, and no one has to live that way. </div>
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I loathed myself. </div>
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I wish that was an exaggeration, but it wasn't. I hated myself more than any other human being I knew, and I almost hated God for creating me the way He did. I firmly disliked Him regardless, and doubted His character. How could a good God create someone destined for loneliness, failure, and ugliness? How could He create someone so set up for failure?</div>
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Honestly, I'm kind of scared to publish this, because I know people who knew me at that time and had no idea this was going on will read this. All I can say is that like any insecure person, I tried to act as confident and perfect as I could. No one was supposed to see the uncontrollable crying, the panic attacks about my looks, no one was supposed to hear the things I said to myself, things so mean that I can't fathom how I said them, yet until recently, they slipped so easily into my vocabulary. </div>
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And I'm here to say if ANY of this sounds familiar to you, if you can look at any of this and think "Hey, I can relate to that," or "That sounds like me," Please PLEASE I beg of you, go to God and begin praying and asking for Him to show you how to get out of this, to reveal His love to you, to begin the journey of walking out of self hatred and into His love.</div>
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If you recognize yourself in this post, and are kind of scared because you realize how crazy and dark it all is, FEAR NOT. God is bigger than Satan, bigger than darkness, bigger than chains, and He over came death, so He can overcome Satan's influence on your life, and you aren't stuck where you are. </div>
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God rescued me, and still rescues me every day, and he can rescue you too. </div>
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Start by praying, praying so much to God about this. Tell Him how you feel, tell Him what you're going through, let Him into your pain, let go of that cynical attitude, and live in expectancy and belief that God can work in you and transform you. Transformation, however, cannot happen without being with and seeking after God. Don't be mistaken though, God is not your means to the end which is freedom and transformation. He IS the end, the only end. But every journey should, every battle should start with, and continue with, going to Lord in prayer, giving things to Him, and seeking his face.</div>
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The second thing I would advise is to watch your words, watch what you think and what you say. How do you think those chains got built up? Satan planted those thoughts in your mind, you started thinking them, then you started saying them. With God's power and strength guiding you, do the opposite. </div>
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Declare HOPE over yourself, and speak the WORD out loud. Speaking it out loud is so important. Because I used to think that only if I thought something, if I believed it, then I should speak it out loud. But if you're captive to self hatred and listening and believing and taking part in Satan's lies, you're not going to believe those things about yourself. I didn't. Don't wait until you "feel" it. SAY it. Tell yourself "I feel worthless, but I'm not. God Himself came down to earth and paid the ultimate price for me, I was bought with His eternal blood, I am not worthless." Quote scripture to yourself, ""For I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not for evil, to prosper you and not to harm you. (Jer.29:11) <b>Speak </b>the truth over yourself.</div>
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The next thing that is so important is to recognize when lies start coming to your head and nip them as soon as you recognize them. Satan is so awful, guys. He really is. You think those thoughts are coming from you? You may be repeating them, but they started in the pits of hell. You think it was YOUR idea to tell yourself you're worthless and will never be good enough, you think it was all you doing to try to get you to endlessly "improve" yourself? Forgive my bluntness, but HECK no. </div>
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Self Hatred was all Satan's idea, because not only does it cause you to tear yourself down, reduce you to an illogical state of paranoia, anxiety, and destructive behavior, it alienates you from God, and keeps you from even thinking you could be used by God, or live in any other state than the one you're living in. </div>
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<br />Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-62671418876288064572017-10-07T07:51:00.001-07:002024-01-28T18:57:19.170-08:00Intercession and Obedience<h1 class="passage-display" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue", verdana, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.1; margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 500; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">1Corinthians 10</div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="text 1Cor-10-12" id="en-HCSB-28579" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">12 </span>So, whoever thinks he stands must be careful not to fall.<span style="font-size: 0.625em;"><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28579W" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28579W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span> </span><span class="text 1Cor-10-13" id="en-HCSB-28580" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">13 </span>No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humanity. God is faithful,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28580X" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28580X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28580Y" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28580Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> so that you are able to bear it.</span></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-10-23" id="en-HCSB-28590" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: normal;">Christian Liberty</span></h3>
<h1 class="passage-display" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.1; margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="text 1Cor-10-23" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">23 </span>“Everything is permissible,”<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28590j" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28590j" title="See footnote j">j</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians+10&version=HCSB#fen-HCSB-28590j" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote j">j</a>]</span><span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28590k" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28590k" title="See footnote k">k</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians+10&version=HCSB#fen-HCSB-28590k" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote k">k</a>]</span> but not everything is helpful. “Everything is permissible,”<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28590l" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28590l" title="See footnote l">l</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians+10&version=HCSB#fen-HCSB-28590l" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote l">l</a>]</span> but not everything builds up. </span><span class="text 1Cor-10-24" id="en-HCSB-28591" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">24 </span>No one should seek his own good, but the good of the other person.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28591AF" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28591AF" title="See cross-reference AF">AF</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="text 1Cor-10-25" id="en-HCSB-28592" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">25 </span>Eat everything that is sold in the meat market, asking no questions for conscience’ sake, </span><span class="text 1Cor-10-26" id="en-HCSB-28593" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">26 </span>for <span class="ot" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">the earth is the Lord’s,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28593AG" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28593AG" title="See cross-reference AG">AG</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> <span class="ot" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">and all that is in it.</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28593AH" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28593AH" title="See cross-reference AH">AH</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28593m" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28593m" title="See footnote m">m</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians+10&version=HCSB#fen-HCSB-28593m" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote m">m</a>]</span> </span><span class="text 1Cor-10-27" id="en-HCSB-28594" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">27 </span>If one of the unbelievers invites you over and you want to go, eat everything that is set before you, without raising questions of conscience. </span><span class="text 1Cor-10-28" id="en-HCSB-28595" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">28 </span>But if someone says to you, “This is food offered to an idol,” do not eat it,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28595AI" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28595AI" title="See cross-reference AI">AI</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> out of consideration for the one who told you, and for conscience’ sake.<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28595n" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28595n" title="See footnote n">n</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians+10&version=HCSB#fen-HCSB-28595n" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote n">n</a>]</span> </span><span class="text 1Cor-10-29" id="en-HCSB-28596" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">29 </span>I do not mean your own conscience, but the other person’s. For why is my freedom judged<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28596AJ" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28596AJ" title="See cross-reference AJ">AJ</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> by another person’s conscience? </span><span class="text 1Cor-10-30" id="en-HCSB-28597" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">30 </span>If I partake with thanks,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28597AK" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28597AK" title="See cross-reference AK">AK</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> why am I slandered because of something I give thanks for?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="text 1Cor-10-31" id="en-HCSB-28598" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">31 </span>Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for God’s glory.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28598AL" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28598AL" title="See cross-reference AL">AL</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> </span><span class="text 1Cor-10-32" id="en-HCSB-28599" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">32 </span>Give no offense<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28599AM" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28599AM" title="See cross-reference AM">AM</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> to the Jews or the Greeks or the church of God, </span><span class="text 1Cor-10-33" id="en-HCSB-28600" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">33 </span>just as I also try to please all people in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many,<span style="font-size: 0.625em;"><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28600AN" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28600AN" title="See cross-reference AN">AN</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span> so that they may be saved. </span></span></div>
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<h1 class="passage-display" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin: 0px 0px 20px;"><span class="passage-display-bcv" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; font-size: x-large; margin: 0px; padding-right: 10px;">1 Corinthians 11</span><span class="passage-display-version" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; font-size: 14px;">Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)</span></h1>
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<span class="text 1Cor-11-1" id="en-HCSB-28601" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="chapternum mid-paragraph" style="bottom: -0.15em; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 24px; font-weight: bold; left: 0px; line-height: 0.8em; position: relative;">11 </span><span class="versenum mid-paragraph" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">1 </span>Imitate me, as I also imitate Christ.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28601A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28601A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-11-2" id="en-HCSB-28602" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">Instructions about Head Coverings</span></h3>
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<span class="text 1Cor-11-2" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">2 </span>Now I praise you<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28602a" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28602a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2011#fen-HCSB-28602a" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote a">a</a>]</span> because you always remember me and keep the traditions <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28602B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28602B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>just as I delivered<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28602C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28602C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> them to you. </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-3" id="en-HCSB-28603" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">3 </span>But I want you to know that Christ is the head<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28603D" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28603D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> of every man, and the man is the head of the woman,<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28603b" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28603b" title="See footnote b">b</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2011#fen-HCSB-28603b" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote b">b</a>]</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28603E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28603E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> and God is the head of Christ.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28603F" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28603F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-4" id="en-HCSB-28604" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">4 </span>Every man who prays or prophesies with something on his head dishonors<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28604G" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28604G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> his head. </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-5" id="en-HCSB-28605" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">5 </span>But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since that is one and the same as having her head shaved.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28605H" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28605H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-6" id="en-HCSB-28606" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">6 </span>So if a woman’s head<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28606c" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28606c" title="See footnote c">c</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2011#fen-HCSB-28606c" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote c">c</a>]</span> is not covered, her hair should be cut off. But if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, she should be covered.</span></div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-11-7" id="en-HCSB-28607" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">7 </span>A man, in fact, should not cover his head, because he is God’s image<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28607I" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28607I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> and glory,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28607J" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28607J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>but woman is man’s glory. </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-8" id="en-HCSB-28608" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">8 </span>For man did not come from woman, but woman came from man.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28608K" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28608K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-9" id="en-HCSB-28609" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">9 </span>And man was not created for woman, but woman for man. </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-10" id="en-HCSB-28610" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">10 </span>This is why a woman should have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-11" id="en-HCSB-28611" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">11 </span>In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, and man is not independent of woman. </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-12" id="en-HCSB-28612" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">12 </span>For just as woman came from man, so man comes through woman, and all things come from God.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28612L" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28612L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="text 1Cor-11-13" id="en-HCSB-28613" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">13 </span>Judge<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28613M" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28613M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-14" id="en-HCSB-28614" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">14 </span>Does not even nature itself teach<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28614N" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28614N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> you that if a man has long hair it is a disgrace<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28614O" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28614O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> to him, </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-15" id="en-HCSB-28615" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">15 </span>but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory?<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28615P" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28615P" title="See cross-reference P">P</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> For her hair is given to her<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28615d" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28615d" title="See footnote d">d</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2011#fen-HCSB-28615d" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote d">d</a>]</span> as a covering. </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-16" id="en-HCSB-28616" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">16 </span>But if anyone wants to argue about this, we have no other<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28616e" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28616e" title="See footnote e">e</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2011#fen-HCSB-28616e" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote e">e</a>]</span> custom, nor do the churches of God.</span></div>
<h3 style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.55em; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 20px;">
<span class="text 1Cor-11-17" id="en-HCSB-28617" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">The Lord’s Supper</span></h3>
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<span class="text 1Cor-11-17" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">17 </span>Now in giving the following instruction I do not praise you, since you come together not for the better but for the worse. </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-18" id="en-HCSB-28618" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">18 </span>For to begin with, I hear that when you come together as a church there are divisions among you, and in part I believe it. </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-19" id="en-HCSB-28619" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">19 </span>There must, indeed, be factions<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28619Q" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28619Q" title="See cross-reference Q">Q</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> among you, so that those who are approved may be recognized among you. </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-20" id="en-HCSB-28620" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">20 </span>Therefore, when you come together, it is not really to eat the Lord’s Supper.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28620R" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28620R" title="See cross-reference R">R</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-21" id="en-HCSB-28621" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">21 </span>For at the meal, each one eats his own supper ahead of others. So one person is hungry while another gets drunk! </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-22" id="en-HCSB-28622" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">22 </span>Don’t you have houses to eat and drink in? Or do you look down on the church of God and embarrass those who have nothing? What should I say to you? Should I praise you? I do not praise you for this!</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="text 1Cor-11-23" id="en-HCSB-28623" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">23 </span>For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you:<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28623S" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28623S" title="See cross-reference S">S</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> On the night when He was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took bread, </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-24" id="en-HCSB-28624" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">24 </span>gave thanks, broke it, and said,<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28624f" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28624f" title="See footnote f">f</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2011#fen-HCSB-28624f" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote f">f</a>]</span> <span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">“This is My body, which is<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-HCSB-28624g" data-link="[<a href="#fen-HCSB-28624g" title="See footnote g">g</a>]" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2011#fen-HCSB-28624g" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #b34b2c; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote g">g</a>]</span> for you. Do this in remembrance of Me.”</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28624T" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28624T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="text 1Cor-11-25" id="en-HCSB-28625" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">25 </span>In the same way, after supper He also took the cup and said, <span class="woj" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">“This cup is the new covenant<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28625U" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28625U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> established by My blood.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28625V" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28625V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.”</span> </span><span class="text 1Cor-11-26" id="en-HCSB-28626" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">26 </span>For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-HCSB-28626W" data-link="(<a href="#cen-HCSB-28626W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> until He comes.</span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><span class="text 1Cor-11-26" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;">/////</span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
Now many of you are probably in the same position I was about a year ago, stumbling across a blog post or facebook post about headcovering, and feeling kind of uncomfortable, because it hasn't been on your radar, and you don't really want it to be.<br />
I associated headcovering with mennonite and amish communities, and more legalistic people and environments, and it wasn't something I felt I needed to do.<br />
Now, praise God, I wear a headcovering all the time. I'm not going to tell you that the headcovering itself is some kind of catch-all that will protect you from all kinds of evil and harm, because that's the same as using it like an amulet or a good luck charm to ward away evil--and that's definitely very sinful, and something I had to repent of, and ask for God's forgiveness.<br />
But God bringing me to obedience in this matter, humbling me, and strengthening to me to obey against the flow has been absolutely pivotal in His refining of me, and growing me to become the kind of woman He wants me to be, the woman that is defined in and by the Bible.<br />
This post is not going to be an in-depth research and argumentative piece, talking about all the objections to headcovering, interpretations of the passage, etc.<br />
I felt God telling me to share my story tonight of what He has done in my life in the area of headcovering, and then later, as the Holy Spirit leads and gives me words to say, write a more in-depth piece.<br />
Basically, a little over a year ago, headcovering was brought to my attention. I don't remember exactly my first exposure that really spurred me to start looking into the topic, but I know a blogger I read supported 'The Headcovering Movement' and initially, I must admit, I scoffed. I thought they were brainwashed, I thought they were repressed, and I honestly felt glad I didn't "have" to wear a headcovering like they did. It seemed bizarre to me. Why did they feel like they had to cover their heads at church? I didn't even really understand where it was all coming from.<br />
Now I don't remember what God used initially make me start paying attention, but I remember I was looking into the topic more last summer and starting to do some serious consideration.<br />
One way or another, God led me to look up headcovering and it's reference in the Bible. Once I read the passage copied above, I believe that's when it became more serious to me. Now it wasn't a question of personal preference or 'this group of people just decides to do this, and that's fine for them but we don't have to'--it's actually in the Bible. And seems to be commanded in the Bible pretty strongly, and to be punished harshly if it is disobeyed. If women don't cover their heads while praying or prophesying, their heads should be shaved, or cut off? That shook me when I first read it. I couldn't believe that was in the Bible. But there it was. Now it wasn't a question of 'is this something I feel led to do,' it was, 'is this really what the Bible commands, is this what is true?' Because if something is commanded by God, in the Bible, it doesn't matter how culturally irrelevant it is, or how much I don't want to do it, or what everyone else says or does, it needs to be done. God needs to be obeyed regardless of the circumstances. If something is the truth, it cannot be twisted or bent to suit our own, or the culture's norms or desires. It is the truth, and must be followed/obeyed.<br />
I began tentatively covering, very worried and fearful about what my family or other people would say or think. However, I soon fell off of headcovering full time, figuring if I wasn't quite sure if that was what I was supposed to do, I wouldn't inconvenience myself in the meantime.<br />
So while I was in the middle of avoiding research and trying to convince myself I didn't need to cover, God used the testimony of a friend of mine to bring headcovering to my attention as well. She had started headcovering off and on, and God gave her the boldness to mention it in a setting with myself and a couple of other friends from college. The fact that someone brought up the topic, and stated that headcovering was Biblical, in exactly the timeframe that God was using to bring headcovering to my attention seemed to me to be a confirmation that this was something I needed to look into.<br />
God used that confirmation, combined with the fact that headcovering is talked about in the Bible, and other resources and testimonies from blogs and websites to convict me that I could no longer remain a spectator, or a casual researcher of the topic. Either this was a command from God that needed to be obeyed, or it wasn't, and I needed to know which it was.<br />
Arguments against headcovering, or interpretations of the passage that allowed for people not to cover just seemed to me to be really taking liberties with the passage and twisting scripture to suit our desires and our culture. There isn't any firm 'out' in the passage. I've looked, trust me, there isn't. There are a few tentative legs to stand on in arguments against, but there is nothing in scripture that clearly states we don't have to or shouldn't headcover. <br />
For a while I wrestled, went back and forth, and struggled with covering in public. I would cover when I prayed in private, but always yank it off if my family happened to see me praying with it on, and I never really wore one in public. <strike style="color: black;">However, in around March or early April of this year, God really convicted me that I needed to be all in. The Bible says to pray without ceasing (1 Thess. 5) and I, as a woman, Biblically could not pray in public without covering my head in some way without rebelling against the Lord and being sinful.</strike><span style="color: #6aa84f;"> I look back on this years later, and am wondering how much of this conviction was from the Lord, and how much of it was things I was struggling with on my own. I still headcover when I pray, but wonder if God requires us women to do it all the time. Food for thought and prayer. </span><br />
So I started headcovering full time, Praise God! The only time I 'relapsed' to off and on covering, were certain moments at our Church's youth group where I wanted to be "relevant" to the girls I was working with, and when I got a new job, because I was pretty sure headcovering wasn't "business casual." But even then, God was merciful and convicted me, and now I headcover all the time at work, and it's such a blessing.<br />
I can't tell you how much God has done in my life since He finally got me to surrender and submit and headcover full time.<br />
So much vanity was taken from me, along with self-consciousness, fear of man, an unhealthy desire to conform and "please" others (not with my words and actions, but with my looks and conforming to to societal standards. Obviously we need to try to keep peace and be pleasant to others when we can, and when truth allows.), as well as God growing me in true Biblical womanhood. God also helped me obey much more boldly in areas where I struggled before, because if He helped me wear a cloth or a hat on my head all the time, even when I was initially terrified to do so, He could help me in other situations where fear used to grip me. I'm not saying headcovering is some kind of spiritual catch-all, where if you wear a headcovering you automatically become a perfect Christian. The headcovering is just a piece of cloth. It's a symbol of authority, that we, as women of God, are submitted to God, and one day, to our husbands. The headcovering didn't make me humble or bold or gentle or anything like that, but God used obedience in that area to grow me in others ways.<br />
Sisters, headcovering is such a blessing. God is so good, and when we follow His commands, there is not "bad" outcome. Sure, it may be initially difficult, and just because we're following God doesn't mean our lives will be perfect. But my sisters, I would strongly urge you, even if you're repulsed by the idea, to pray about it, research it, and don't just write it off. Please don't do what I did, and disobey and waffle for a long time before finally giving in to God. Submit more quickly than I did. It's so worth it, I'm not looking back, and I know you won't either!<br />
Thanks for reading, I'll be praying God uses this in your life! As He leads, I will write a longer and more in depth post.<br />
To God alone be the glory,<br />
Ariana <br />
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Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-51684705232719647722015-09-24T22:50:00.004-07:002017-07-10T12:32:45.865-07:00TransformationSo apparently, the whole process of creating a blog vision and executing it takes longer than I thought, but I wanted to write and update you guys on my life, what God's been teaching me, and just be a little bit more casual on here.<br />
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The vision for the other blog is very much still being developed, I want to create an online resource for Christians struggling with acne, and other issues, and I want to create a place where I can share what God's been teaching me, just teach in general, summarize sermons I've heard at church, post sermons I've heard on youtube, and in general just create a place where people are simultaneously challenged, encouraged, and feel loved and at home. That's the big vision.<br />
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The problem is pulling it all together, creating it, and making it not all about image and good graphics and pictures. If this blog is going to be a thing, and going to be a part of my ministry, I want it to be led by God completely, and orchestrated and held in place by Him and FOR HIS GLORY, because if it's done in my own strength and for my glory, then it's all just in vain.<br />
So I have been, a bit, but will be praying more how the blog should be created/designed, and how I should organize it, because I'm not sure how to connect the acne portion, to the christian resource portion, or if that should be a completely separate site. We shall see, and thanks for bearing with me throughout this process!<br />
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Now on to my life, what's been happening lately? Turns out, quite a lot!<br />
August and September have been very full for me, I moved back into my parents house, and have a nice little nook here, started my senior year of college, joined the leadership team at BCM, and got a new job. It's taken some adjusting, but I felt throughout the summer that God was leading me to a new season in the fall, and that He definitely was, and although of course, there are some hard patches, God's been awesome at guiding the process and equipping me and blessing me in so many ways.<br />
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As I keep telling you about my life has been, I'm going to have to take a moment to brag on God, because He has been so amazing, answering prayers left and right, provision after provision, He's been growing me so much lately!</div>
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Before school even started, He called me to a week of prayer for the semester, for me, for the things He's going to do, and in the middle of it, He convicted me about evangelism, and actually gave me the boldness to evangelize to someone (PRAISE GOD!!), and He's just been doing so much in my life that I am just overflowing with thankfulness. </div>
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And I'm not joking or over exaggerating when I say there has been SO much change and transformation, both in the past few weeks, and throughout this past year. </div>
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Tomorrow and all of this weekend I'm going to the annual BCM beach retreat, that happens every fall semester in September, and I was just remembered how God used the Beach Retreat to connect me with Him again last semester, and how things were last semester and how different things are now because of Him.</div>
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I'll be going on my college ministry's beach retreat tomorrow, and thinking back to last year's beach retreat I remember how lost, confused, in pain, insecure, and alone I felt. I had just been through an incredibly painful time in my life, and was still limping emotionally, mentally, and physically like a wounded animal, I was insecure about my acne, and was unsure about anything having to do with God. I wanted answers, I wanted to feel closeness to Him, I wanted to know why I had to go through all that pain, and I wanted things to get better.</div>
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And You know what? God heard me, and He answered my prayers. He met me during that trip, especially during the special time we have with God alone, on the beach, where I got to cry, and yell at Him, and ask Him why He let me go through all that, and then let Him come to me and comfort me. To understand that His love for me was like the waves hitting the shores, over and over again, never stopping, an eternal motion. That He had a plan for me, and He loved me. </div>
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He met me after that trip and continued to meet me throughout this entire year, and He's changed and taught me so much.</div>
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Sometimes I complain and cry about my life now, and wish things were better, but I shouldn't, not only because complaining is a sin, but also, when I look back and remember all He has done, and look back at the pictures and the journal entries I wrote, and everything He's done in my life, and repairing my relationship with Him, and growing me and disciplining me, and training me vigorously in godliness and holiness, showing me that He died for me and He loves me--that He is the Lord of everything and to be respected, feared and obeyed--I can only be overwhelmingly thankful. (A gigantic run-on sentence, I know. Bear with me friends, it's late, and I'm hungry!)</div>
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Now, fall is officially here, even though it still feels like the end of summer here, and God's been teaching me to die to myself and live for Him and for others, to pour myself out as a drink offering, and put my focus on loving, reaching out to, ministering to, evangelizing to, and encouraging others. </div>
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So often I can be so self focused, and only think about my relationships with others in terms of what they are and aren't providing for me, but God's been reminding me and teaching me, and it's been AWESOME to see what He's been doing. </div>
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He's constantly reminding me what a good God He is. </div>
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And if you can believe it, I haven't even told you the half of what all He's been doing in my life! Hopefully those will be later posts :)</div>
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Be praying for me, and my walk, the blog vision, development, and execution/my ministry, and for the Beach Retreat this weekend, that I would yield myself and pour myself out to serve and love others, and that God would touch and speak to many hearts and lives this weekend--including mine!</div>
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I'll leave you with this passage: </div>
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1 Corinthians 15:58</div>
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<span class="text 1Cor-15-58" id="en-NIV-28777" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><sup class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">58 </sup>Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord,<span style="font-size: 0.625em;"><sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28777CU" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28777CU" title="See cross-reference CU">CU</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></sup></span> because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.<span style="font-size: 0.625em;"><sup class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28777CV" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28777CV" title="See cross-reference CV">CV</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></sup></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I love you all, and will be writing soon!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">--Ariana</span></div>
<br />Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-71371491683925896002015-07-18T20:40:00.000-07:002015-07-18T21:05:31.625-07:00Called: To Seek and Obey<div style="text-align: center;">
Hey all,</div>
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I just wanted to give you all a quick update on some things I've been thinking about, as well as making some declarative statements to myself about the future and what it holds. </div>
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I think what's been happening is that I have so much to do, and so much looming before me, that I have yielded over and over again to the temptation to just not to do anything/.</div>
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I need to be creating the new blog, I need to be working on things for my services marketing class, I need to researching apartments and filling out job applications, I need to buy a new laptop, but what do I do?</div>
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I go to school or go to work, come home, eat, and then just veg, Watch YouTube videos for hours, scroll around on Pinterest, research things that aren't of any real importance. </div>
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I don't know why my response to the conviction to do important things is just to slink into my old habits, and I've been noticing so much backsliding in myself that it's been driving me crazy.</div>
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Not only procrastination and putting off the things of God, but also the temptation to be vain and to be too focused on my looks is always there, whether its in a positive or a negative way. It could look like me researching what to do cure perpetually dry hair, checking out my dark circles in the mirror, or taking a selfie and thinking I look cute, I feel that old pendulum trying to swing back and forth inside of me and it's driving me crazy. </div>
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Everything inside me longs to pour myself out to God and to others as a drink offering, a sacrifice of praise and service, yet the old flesh keeps rising up, telling me I can make it on my own, I should focus on myself, I deserve a few minutes of checking social media, my life is so hard, I deserve to complain and vent a little, that sins aren't such a big deal. </div>
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That flesh, I want it dead, crucified, burned into a harmless pile of ashes, never again to bother me, to try to get me off track. </div>
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I so often forget I'm living in a spiritual battle, that if my intention is to serve God and bring Him glory and tell others about Him, satan will never stop trying to get me off track or render me ineffective. </div>
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Throughout this past year, I've noticed one of the biggest traps satan uses to keep me out of the game, to get me off track is just me. To keep me focused on me. To keep me looking in every mirror, trying to create the perfect wardrobe, messing with my hair, trying to perfect my skin, thinking about how others seeing me, trying to nourish and cultivate ME ME ME ME ME. </div>
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First it was deep rooted insecurity and trying to become society's definition of perfection, and fighting against myself and the world tooth and claw to get there, the obvious kind of self absorption, then came the more hippie kind, where I "needed" to spend a ton of time listening to music, taking mysteriously cryptic photos of myself, properly "nourishing" my soul, and amassing a hipster wardrobe kind of self absorption that feeds on the philosophy, "You can't love others until you properly love yourself!" </div>
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Then the year that appears in my memory to be swathed in darkness and shadows happened, and I don't really know what was happening inside of me then. I was in very many ways, just struggling to survive, trying to resurrect myself, convince myself without much success that my body and my mind and my heart weren't all just done. </div>
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Jesus has done a lot of work since then, taking me at my word when I asked Him long ago to refine me in His fire and burn away my dross. I don't know why things happened the way they did, but they happened, and He has taught me a lot from it, things I don't ever want to forget. </div>
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I want to have them tattooed on my arm, my forehead, anything to keep me from forgetting, backsliding, wasting what He brought me through, misusing the time He gave me. </div>
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That's why I can't give the trap of me, and all the other distractions satan waves in front of my face on a daily basis keep me from every day going into God's presence and chasing after what He wants me to do. </div>
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This isn't my photo, I got it from Pinterest, <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/pin/405535141420426285/" target="_blank">link here</a> but the urgency of that verse, and the context of the story really stands out to me as I think about my own life and all the things I need to do, but don't do. This verse is a quote from the book of Esther in the Bible, when Esther, an unlikely queen of hidden Jewish heritage, is put in a position where her people, the Israelite's, are in danger of being wiped out. The quote above was spoken from Mordecai, Esther's uncle, to urge her to speak to her husband, King Xerxes, about saving the Israelites. In the end, his words and God's conviction led Esther to fast and pray, and then obey, ultimately playing a role in saving the nation of Israel from slaughter. </div>
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Her story must have not made sense to her while it was happening, but God knew what He was doing when He placed her in King Xerxes' court, He had her there for a reason, He gave her a purpose, she just needed to seek guidance, than obey.</div>
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In a way, I am no different. No, I'm not a Jewish maiden so beautiful I was chosen to be queen, and I'll probably never do anything quite so dramatic as save an entire nation from slaughter, but God knows what He's doing in my life too.</div>
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He's given me purpose, He has things He wants me to accomplish in my life, He has a purpose for the little clay pot that is me. </div>
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My role, like her's, like anyone who follows Christ, is to seek guidance and instruction, then obey. </div>
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It's comforting and convicting. </div>
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I know the first step is to connect with Him, which lately, has been harder than usual. </div>
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I often feel like I can sort of understand what God wants me to do, and what direction to go in, but as far as Him, and how to connect with Him?</div>
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To me that's far more of a mystery, but of course that doesn't mean I shouldn't try. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZl6OIbqgqo6DLBGtn8j63D7cK08tTpsZGXy59s_mWoXoKB50DQx6Z1OuCzmdSPdP_qFUVScp1Pq9s1c3xxM_gHyHgSbBynuAdZu9-ZzBeqEYau9t5DlM38ci5WvgZYmKX5g6CMYKYeLe_/s1600/Post+picture+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZl6OIbqgqo6DLBGtn8j63D7cK08tTpsZGXy59s_mWoXoKB50DQx6Z1OuCzmdSPdP_qFUVScp1Pq9s1c3xxM_gHyHgSbBynuAdZu9-ZzBeqEYau9t5DlM38ci5WvgZYmKX5g6CMYKYeLe_/s640/Post+picture+2.jpg" width="428" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://www.pinterest.com/pin/519039925777054001/" target="_blank">Found here</a></div>
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One of God's many promises is that when we call on His name and earnestly seek after Him, He will reveal Himself to us, so I guess I just need to rest in that promise, and try.</div>
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That's only a part of what's been on my mind lately, more will come later, as the pieces come together and I ask God for guidance and things get figured out. </div>
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For now the plan is still to create another blog, as intimidating as that is, and to have a couple of main threads running on there, with the goal of sharing what God is teaching me, has taught me in the past. To give a more specific glimpse into into what I plan on writing about, a longtime goal of mine has been to create an online resource specifically for Christians who suffer from acne, to be a support and try to answer some of the questions I always had. I remember when my acne was beyond horrible, several times, trying to find a place online for Christians going through the same thing I was, trying to handle it all in a godly way but not knowing how, and just not knowing what to do and needing support, and not finding a single resource online that was helpful. That's what I want to be on my new blog, among many other things.</div>
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I also just really want to share the different things God is teaching me and putting on my heart, it seems like every time I read a scripture or hear a sermon, I just want to share and teach about it, as best I can, and SHARE how awesome God and His word and knowledge is! </div>
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This is all just the rough draft forming in my mind, nobody take it as gospel fact, as I will be praying about it and asking for guidance, but if it is God's will, I'm hoping to get the new blog up in a month. </div>
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Along with ALL of the other important things I need to get done.</div>
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Pray for me guys, it's a lot, and sometimes I feel like I have so much going on I'm coming undone, but then I need to remind myself--HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT. </div>
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I love you all, comment if you want to chat, or need prayer, or just want to comment on something I've said, I love reading them and replying, I honestly, honestly do. </div>
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Many blessings,</div>
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Ariana </div>
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<br />Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-10547066832991587052015-03-20T21:06:00.001-07:002017-02-18T19:06:38.702-08:00He Makes All Things New<div style="text-align: center;">
I promised I would be sharing more often, and here I am, and my goal is to share some of the things that have been going on in my heart and mind, to be vulnerable, helpful, and encouraging, and to bring a voice into the silence that this blog inhabits so often.</div>
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First of all, let me say that I have been struggling with a huge amount of fear/writer's block when it has come to this blog lately. I would sit in front of my computer and think "Okay Ari, you made a commitment to write more often, God is doing stuff in your life, you have stuff in your head that you could write about--so write!" But more often I would get no more than a paragraph in before giving in to my doubts and fears.</div>
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But, letting fear boss me around isn't a good norm for me or anyone to be in, so I decided that today, I would share. </div>
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So what's been going on with me?</div>
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It's the middle of last semester as a Junior at UWF, so I've been trying (mostly) to do my best and head into my senior year well, having done my best and worked against this beast of procrastination in my life. So far it's been going pretty well, I've had some slip-ups and a disappointing test grade, but I have to remind myself that that's just further motivation to do my best to bring GOD glory through this semester.</div>
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And that leads to the what has been defining this time in my life, and what should be defining all of my life, who I am and what I do, which is seeking after God, meditating in His word, and actually doing what He tells me to do, and orienting my whole life around bringing Him glory. </div>
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In late February God made the way for me to go to a weekend conference with my college ministry, and there, along with conviction of give up social media, had led to deeper and deeper conviction that God needs to be at the center of my life, and for that to be something I actually live instead of just say. </div>
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To read the Word, to live every moment asking myself, "Is this action, this word, this thought, this motive glorifying to God? Am I bringing HIM glory and honor and recognition through my life?"</div>
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One of the worst habits I have gotten into is to have an attitude of a combination between self pity and a wrong view of God. Too often I catch myself thinking, "Why am I here? Why did you make me? Why me? Why am I like this? Who are you, God? Can you really be good, and how can you be good if my life doesn't turn out the way I want it to? "</div>
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I marginalize God and think of Him as little and weak, unable or unwilling to solve my problems, and more than that I put my own dreams, plans, and comfort above God's glory. First of all--my life is not as bad as I often think it is, as I drag my mind once more through a slog of self pity, Jesus has blessed me in so many ways, so not only am I guilty of accusing God, I am guilty of not being thankful for what He has given me.</div>
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Sure some things may not be the way I want them to be, and I'm confused about some things, but I have a pretty healthy, functioning body, I have two parents that love me and support me, and so often go out of their way for me, not only to help me increase my walk with Christ, but also just to help me in general, I have been given so many opportunities throughout my life, I have a car, I have two jobs, I was able to move out and now I'm in a little apartment, albeit with it's faults, but with a low rent, quiet neighbors, and surrounded by trees. </div>
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That is so much to be thankful for me, and that most of that stuff doesn't even matter eternally. </div>
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Once more I find myself to be foolish, rebellious, self indulgent and self pitying, forgetting who God is, what He can do, and what He has already done. </div>
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The fact that He has done many things in my life is pretty awesome, but that shouldn't be why I worship Him, why I seek after Him, why I read the word or pray. I should be doing all those things because He Is who He Is. He is the God that has always existed and will always exist, who created everything and creating new things every day, who has the power to forgive our sins, to change and renew our lives, and loves us despite the fact that our best attempt at a good deed is at best a filth-covered rag. He Is Holy, He Is Good, He Is Love, He Is Just, He Is Faithful--He is the very definition of those words and the only reason we can have any kind of a concept of those attributes is because He exists. </div>
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I keep just seeing the faults in the present, keep looking to future wondering how it's going to turn out, when I should be looking up, to Him, and looking for, expecting, glorifying Him in my life. </div>
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To be honest, I'm not sure exactly what that process completely looks like yet, but I'm trusting my Heavenly Dad to show me. </div>
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I will be the first person to tell you I DO NOT have this life/Christianity stuff figured out. In a lot of ways, I'm kind of a mess, but I'm God's mess and I know He can figure it all out. </div>
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I would ask you all to pray for me, there is a lot about me that still needs to change, a lot that confuses me, a lot I'm not sure, and terrified of being wrong about. </div>
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And just know, that if you ever have something you're going through, if something I write about resonates with you, or if you're just going through a tough time, leave me a comment and I promise I will lift you up in prayer, and if the Lord gives me the words to say, try to help or encourage you in any way I can. </div>
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Thank you all for reading and for bearing with me through all these times, I know I haven't been the most consistent blogger, but God's working on me. </div>
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I love you all, and I promise, God loves you so much more!</div>
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Ariana </div>
Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-40762909990763150392015-01-03T04:42:00.003-08:002017-02-18T18:51:35.727-08:00Uncovered: Into the LightOn this blog, I usually like to project positivity. Not to be fake, and not to pretend like I don't struggle, but to write encouraging material that will lift someone up instead of bring them down, and because I believe that in the Christian life, one should be an optimist, and retain and project hope to others.<br />
However, that combined with many other factors led to me only having three posts in the year 2014. The lack of posting is not connected to a lack of writing, I have about six posts sitting in my drafts section, some finished, some unfinished, all unpublished, and I couldn't really tell you why other than I didn't feel 100% about posting them.<br />
However, lately, I've been writing all the time, journalling in almost all of my free time, trying to make sense of everything that is going on in my heart, head, and faith and I still can't seem to make heads or tails of it all, yet I still feel this pull on my heart to share it all with others, with you. I often refrained from posting my struggles because I didn't want to cause anyone else to feel burdened or to struggle, and I didn't want to show my weakness and inability on a blog where I'm supposed to be helping and encouraging others.<br />
However, it's almost six in the morning, and I've been up since three. Yesterday evening I felt so restless and confused, unsettled and trapped, that I did as I sometimes do, get in my car, in the middle of the night, and just talk and cry so hard I can barely see the road, and drive, drive out to the middle of nowhere and park, and talk and cry and pray and try to make sense of everything. My head is so full of thoughts, questions and doubts that don't seem to go away, and sometimes the enemy attacks me so hard that I don't know how to see the light at the end of the tunnel.<br />
Even as I write this, I am full of doubts as to whether or not I should post this, because as I express my struggles and my doubts, I am reminded of truth, that I should be hopeful, plus I don't want to be one of those people that writes about their struggles so others will feel sorry for them or take notice. I'm also worried that through writing out my doubts and expressing them, they'll be even harder to get rid of.<br />
Not that it's all bad, my spiritual, emotional, and even physical state has improved a lot since this time last year, and some days I am okay, even good, even happy, and its easier to be positive and think hopefully.<br />
But other days are a lot like today, where everything about my faith is so confusing, and I'm carrying around so much baggage and hurt that I won't let myself let go of because I don't want to be hurt again, and just the physical act of writing it out and sharing it with you guys not only reminds me of the truth, but is also just cathartic in general. Plus even though I'm a blogger, and I want to be helpful and encouraging to you, and, Lord willing, be a conduit of God's spirit and truth, I also want to be real with you guys, because there's so much going on behind the scenes that you guys don't see.<br />
And I've been struggling so much, guys.<br />
With my relationship with God, wondering if I can even know Him, whether or not what I hear in my head is really from Him, what on earth is He doing with my life, why this year happened the way it did, how I'll ever be able to have the same relationship with Him like I did before.<br />
In my personal life, feeling an inability to be close to people, often feeling invisible and unwanted, despite how much I know those feelings aren't true, that I am loved by many people, the enemy really targets me in that area.<br />
Feeling too broken to be repaired, despite the fact that I know God can make all things new.<br />
With the fear that tries to bind me in on every side, of being hurt, of hurting others, of being duped, of doing something wrong, going down the wrong path, not walking in my calling, of not ever recovering, of being depressed forever.<br />
With a heaviness, sadness, and loneliness that so rarely leaves.<br />
With feeling confused by the various ways of living the Christian life, how can I ever know the truth if everyone has a different way of interpreting things? I don't want to be just content with my own interpretations and what "works" for me, I want to know and follow the truth.<br />
With my inability to rest or feel at peace, because I'm afraid to give everything to God again.<br />
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As you guys can see, I'm a mess. But I really feel like a part of my calling is communication, and even though I've barely posted at all this year, and what I'm posting right now certainly isn't a masterpiece, I don't want to hide this from you guys, and I want to work through it, while being an encouragement to you guys. Maybe someone else is struggling with some of the same things I am, and maybe it would help them to know they aren't alone. Regardless, I'm sharing this with you guys, letting you in on my life and journey, because I value you guys, and I feel it will help both others and me.<br />
I love you guys, those who still read me, even after a sparse year like this one, Thank you, that really means a lot to me, and I pray that as I share myself with you guys that God will not only be working in my life, healing and growing me, but also will be working in your lives as well.<br />
I can't, we can't give up because He IS.<br />
I know this is a rambling, somewhat confusing post, bear in mind that I've had around three to four hours of sleep, but though it may be poorly written and confusing, this post is being published because I'm tired of being silent, and I pray that God makes these words I tiredly type out into something that may bring Him even a little glory.<br />
This is me right now guys.<br />
Sorry it took me so long to show you.<br />
Ari<br />
<br />Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-84237998928101541102014-04-30T22:15:00.002-07:002024-01-28T19:14:58.646-08:00Metamorphasis/Assurance/Hope/Joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Hello,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">This is Ariana from 2023, ten years after many of these posts were written. A few years ago I went through a time, where in a desire to please God, and out of fear of displeasing him, I took a lot of posts off of my blog and reverted them to drafts. However, I am going to prayerfully begin reposting some of them, because, both for memories' sake for myself, but also because not everything that was removed, needed to be. This is one of those posts. I hope it edifies you and draws you closer to Jesus. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="color: #93c47d;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Originally posted on May 1, 2014</span></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hey guys.</div>
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It's been a long time. </div>
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A lot has happened, but that'll happen in four months.</div>
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I almost feel like I should be reintroducing myself, because it's true that every year you get older, you learn more, you have experience both that try to build you up and try to break you.</div>
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I'm twenty.</div>
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Writing it out makes it seem like such a landmark, and every year I change so much, I look at past pictures and it's almost like looking at a different person, because in so many ways, I was a different person. Every year I become a different person. </div>
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My face changing always surprises me. This year, a little rounder, slightly different structure, my hair a little longer, more scars, but somehow, I don't mind.</div>
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It's hard to describe a period of transition when you're in it I think. When the dust is sort of settling, and there's hope in your heart despite of everything, because the future doesn't look bleak anymore.</div>
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I can look beyond today with hope.</div>
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Three months ago, that was all but stamped out.</div>
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Although I can't go into extreme detail right now, this past fall and winter and spring have been a time of pretty serious upheaval for me, causing me to question a lot of things I once relied on, and to really examine myself and what I believed and what I would ascribe to. Now before everyone goes and thinks that I've decided not to be a christian anymore--nothing could be farther from the truth. I love God, and without Him my life wouldn't have any meaning. But throughout the past six months I've run into some very serious spiritual questions which shook me to my foundations and nearly broke me. Honestly, I'm still working through some of them. Questions like: Why do we have to suffer in order for God to refine us? Can I really trust that my voice in my head that I could always trust as God's voice? Does God really have my best interests at heart? If so, why is all this happening to me? Why would He lead me into this blackness with seemingly no end in sight? Am I doing something wrong? Why won't God heal me? Healing happens instantaneously in the Bible, why isn't it happening to me? Do I just need to be patient like Job? Why is He letting me hurt this much?</div>
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I'm not saying every question is right or justified, but that's what I was feeling. Looking back, I still don't understand it all, but I know God never turned his back on me, the times that we weren't communicating were because I turned my back on Him, I was so hurt and angry that I didn't want to hear His voice. He was always reaching out with love, but I felt like He was a scam artist, promising happiness and giving me a broken heart. </div>
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Although I have had times of reconciliation with God, and I no longer feel that I've lost my best Friend, I'm not quite the same person spiritually as I was before. My biggest prayer is to find a middle ground, to be confident in my spirit in knowing that what I believe is true and that God is good and He loves me and has a wonderful purpose for my life, and feel that same joy that makes me jump and dance and shout and cry in worship and adoration, and at the same time be so rooted and grounded in the Word. </div>
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I know nothing is impossible with God, and I know I'm my biggest impediment to freedom and joy 90% of the time. But please just pray for me, all you out there. </div>
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When I look at my life through unbiased eyes I realize that everything has a purpose, and most of the pressure I'm feeling right now is coming from myself, and He does His best to relieve my burdens even though I so often try to take them back again. </div>
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He is my Beloved, and everything has a purpose, He made the highest heavens, and He has a plan for me, Oh my soul, what stops you from being joyful at the knowledge of this truth that surpasses all ages, that He died for me so that I can commune with Him and spend all eternity with Him, starting now?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ-v2xIabT-D96nGfLXPlRwAkJZ0LYEUnLmI4odA1yxYk86jfu6ZCc1pPKklCSfCIMs6UZhXaMoBj57rkVdvbdcEOcDe2Yl_JJn0zbWQK5XP0f5cCXZzz3VHD5MSF0zTKZ9EX7oGtJIXZ9/s1600/twenty3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ-v2xIabT-D96nGfLXPlRwAkJZ0LYEUnLmI4odA1yxYk86jfu6ZCc1pPKklCSfCIMs6UZhXaMoBj57rkVdvbdcEOcDe2Yl_JJn0zbWQK5XP0f5cCXZzz3VHD5MSF0zTKZ9EX7oGtJIXZ9/s1600/twenty3.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
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I can get so caught up in my worries and my fears that I forget to give things to God, I got kind of out of the habit of doing that this fall, but I want to kick start my joy and faith and love in Him once more, and make my love relationship with Him the only thing I think about as I become one day further into eternity everyday. </div>
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But I'm officially not in the teens anymore, I'm my toe into my twenties, which is so strange to think about, but at the same time it's exhilarating. That uprising, swelling feeling of hope is starting to birth in my heart again, that the future is big and wide and colorful, and the world waits to be explored and I want to explore it. I want to explore this earth God has given us, and all it has to offer, and I want to serve God while doing it, and drink in every second and not take for granted one moment. That's all I know right now.</div>
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The best way I can describe it all is that I'm growing and changing, and it isn't a necessarily pleasant process, like being wrapped up in a cocoon isn't really pleasant, but I must by joyful in my growth for without joy, hope, and faith in the Lord, what is this life but dust in my mouth? </div>
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I've given excuses for my lack of joy for too long, I'm too stressed, I can't trust, I can't be happy unless everything is resolved, my life is going the way I thought it would---all that doesn't change the fact that I must chase after joy and all the fruits of the spirit, I must run after the Lord with all my heart, only to realize that He's closer than I every could have dreamed, and He loves me more than I every could have dared to hope or imagine. </div>
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I'm not saying I know what to do in every situation, or even how to proceed right now. But there is reason to worship, there is reason to pray, there is reason to drink in the Word, there is reason to Hope because we are not alone in this existence, and even though it often seems so improbable, there's a God out there who cares more about us than pretty much anything. </div>
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That's reason for joy. That's reason for hope. </div>
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I preach to myself as I write, for even as I do, the doubts rise, memories flash before my eyes, my brain whirs, trying to steal my joy, take away my faith, because the enemy knows where to hit me. But he can't change that God has changed me. He can't change that God loves me. </div>
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Doubts rise higher and I try to keep my head above water, how much longer before I trust Him to hold me up again? Hopefully right now, hopefully tomorrow.</div>
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I am in a cocoon and you are too. </div>
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We aren't DONE. </div>
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Isn't that marvelous? We'll never be done, because our lives are hidden with Christ on high. We must continuously ask for our minds to be renewed, for Him to continue completing the good work He began within us, for Him to make perfect those who are being made holy.</div>
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Doesn't the Word just fill up a hole inside of you? That thirst inside you, gasping for truth?</div>
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My Dad says this benediction sometimes before church ends, and it fills me with such a warmth and security every time I hear it, and so now, as this post comes to a close, I pray this over myself and you, dear reader.</div>
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<span class="text Eph-3-14"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">14 </span>For this reason I kneel<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29266X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)"></span> before the Father,</span> <span class="text Eph-3-15" id="en-NIV-29267"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">15 </span>from whom <b>every family</b><span class="footnote" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="[<a href="#fen-NIV-29267a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]">[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+3&version=NIV#fen-NIV-29267a" style="color: #b37162; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote a">a</a>]</span> in heaven and on earth derives its name.</span> <span class="text Eph-3-16" id="en-NIV-29268"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">16 </span>I pray that out of his glorious riches<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29268Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)"></span> he may <b>strengthen you with power<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29268Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)"></span> through his Spirit in your inner being,</b><span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29268AA" title="See cross-reference AA">AA</a>)"></span></span> <span class="text Eph-3-17" id="en-NIV-29269"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">17 </span>so that Christ may <b>dwell </b>in your hearts<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29269AB" title="See cross-reference AB">AB</a>)"></span> through faith. </span></div>
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<span class="text Eph-3-17">And I pray that you, being<b> rooted<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29269AC" title="See cross-reference AC">AC</a>)"></span> and established in love</b>,</span> <span class="text Eph-3-18" id="en-NIV-29270"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">18 </span>may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people,<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29270AD" title="See cross-reference AD">AD</a>)"></span> to grasp how wide and long and high and deep<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29270AE" title="See cross-reference AE">AE</a>)"></span> is the love of Christ,</span> <span class="text Eph-3-19" id="en-NIV-29271"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">19</span><b><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; vertical-align: top;"> </span>and to know this love that surpasses knowledge<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29271AF" title="See cross-reference AF">AF</a>)"></span>—that you may be filled<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29271AG" title="See cross-reference AG">AG</a>)"></span> to the measure of all the fullness of God.</b><span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29271AH" title="See cross-reference AH">AH</a>)"></span></span></div>
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<span class="text Eph-3-20" id="en-NIV-29272"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">20 </span>Now to him who is able<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29272AI" title="See cross-reference AI">AI</a>)"></span> to do <b>immeasurably more than all we ask<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29272AJ" title="See cross-reference AJ">AJ</a>)"></span> or imagine</b>, according to his power<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29272AK" title="See cross-reference AK">AK</a>)"></span> that is at work within us,</span> <span class="text Eph-3-21" id="en-NIV-29273"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">21 </span>to<b> him</b> be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! </span></div>
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<span class="text Eph-3-21">Amen.</span></div>
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<span class="text Eph-3-21">Ephesians 3:14-20</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Doesn't that just fill you with His peace and assurance? That His love surpasses knowledge, and He will strengthen us with power through His spirit? That He can do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But anyways :) Thank you for reading this post, thank you for caring about my life, and whether I know you or not, I pray that God just showers revelations of His love upon you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I'm not done and neither are you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But thankfully, we can go through this journey of life together, looking upward towards the Father.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">All God's love,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Ariana</span></div>
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<br />Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-34735702575954433442014-01-02T23:24:00.000-08:002014-01-02T23:24:56.151-08:00One<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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2013 was like a roller coaster, that built up and up and up and then, without warning, hung over the edge for a second, and then plummeted, narrowly carrying me with it. I can't say that I accomplished everything I wanted to, but I'm learning. I had the best semester I ever had, and I had the worst semester I ever had. I had unrestrained joy and sorrow so thick that it nearly took me under, I had times of close intimacy with God and times where I was so angry with Him that I didn't want to pray. Times where I was surrounded by friends and a times where I almost completely isolated myself. Times when I cried and danced for joy, and times when my heart was utterly broken. I was content being single, and then adjusted to being in a godly relationship with an awesome guy. I did the right thing sometimes, and other times I did the wrong deliberately. </div>
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So this year's New Year's post is going to be a little different. Most new year's posts involve hopes of big accomplishments--"I'm going to learn to play the ukulele! I'm going to stop eating chocolate! I'm going to lose 50 lbs! I'm going to learn a new language!" Most people make these resolutions in hopes of DOING more, of becoming a better person, but this year, I don't need more accomplishments, I need to take who I am, and where I am, reflect, heal, move on, and grow. Instead of being Martha who was so concerned with the things she was doing, and the details of her tasks and goals and to-do lists that she lost sight of the One thing that should matter, the only thing we should live for, and that is sitting at Jesus' feet, worshiping Him and soaking in His presence, and learning from Him, always learning and growing. </div>
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My hopes for this 2014 are a little different.</div>
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I will have One goal, to repair my relationship with Jesus, to bring my broken heart to Him and move forward.</div>
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I hope to heal and grow.</div>
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I hope to conquer the fears holding me back.</div>
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I hope not to get back to where I used to be, but to move on to someplace better, to find a place in my faith where I have hope in peace that moves with me as I grow.</div>
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I hope to take nothing for granted, to give thanks for everything, and to pray every day, no matter how low I feel. </div>
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I hope to walk in the anointing and calling Christ has given me, to not undermine myself or think of myself as lesser, but to take opportunities and live unashamed.</div>
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I hope to give more of myself to other people, to not let any insecurity hold me back from loving people, taking risks and dreaming dreams, being bold, saying yes more but still feeling secure saying no, trying new things and letting go.</div>
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I don't want a year obsessed with changing myself and image, I want a year where no matter what I'm doing, I can feel the presence of Jesus with me, and I can feel his peace within me. I want a year of no matter where I go, or how I grow, or how i stumble and fall, that I make being with Him the most important thing in my life, because in the end, what else matters?</div>
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2013 wasn't the perfect year. 2014 year isn't going to be a perfect year. But as long as I have Jesus, it's worth it, and it'll be good.</div>
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And to all of you who have stood beside me in some of my darkest hours, my family, my awesome boyfriend Zach, my girlfriends, I can't thank you enough. When I felt like giving up you guys kept me from going under, kept me from giving up on hope and faith, and didn't let me just sink. You fought for me, you prayed for me, you guys helped bring the joy that I had in 2013, and you lessened the sadness that I had. Thank you for loving me, praying for me, and never giving up on me. </div>
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Here's to a new year.</div>
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2014.</div>
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It's going to be a good one.</div>
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Always,</div>
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Ariana</div>
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<br />Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-16350823539642715882013-03-23T20:09:00.001-07:002024-01-28T19:08:39.663-08:00Testimony<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Hello,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">This is Ariana from 2023, ten years after many of these posts were written. A few years ago I went through a time, where in a desire to please God, and out of fear of displeasing him, I took a lot of posts off of my blog and reverted them to drafts. However, I am going to prayerfully begin reposting some of them, because, both for memories' sake for myself, but also because not everything that was removed, needed to be. This is one of those posts. I hope it edifies you and draws you closer to Jesus. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Originally posted on March 23, 2013</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
(Warning: this is a very long, but good post. So if you have a short attention span, beware!)</div>
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Sometimes life changes gradually. There's one great moment of transformation, revelation, and the aftershock changes follow you in the months to come, when all of a sudden, you look at yourself and you realize that you are completely different. The things that used to cripple you, they are gone. Of course there are always battles to be fought, but the change is still real, tangible. <br />
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That's where I am, right now, right in this almost-the-end-of-the-semester-nineteen-next-week time in my life. But the clincher, the catch is that I never NEVER in a million bajillion years could have done any of it, God, with His amazing huge heart, didn't give up on me, broke me and gave me new life, and is shaping and molding me today, this second, as we speak, into the person He always meant me to be. <br />
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There's a story to it all. There always is. Every person you see walking by you, brushing past you in Walmart, sitting near you in the campus library, running on the same track as you, they all have stories, joys and sorrows like photographs and scars on their hearts, but we can't see. Like that wise man Samuel said to Jesse, King David's father--"The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7) God can see the map of their lives, every emotional landmark and all that is in between. He can see the joys, successes, tragedy, and pain that make a person who they are. But unless we humans dig deep into each other's souls, we can't see those things. You wouldn't have seen it in me. But now you don't have to, because I'm going to tell you my story.<br />
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I won't start in the wee early years of my life, when I spent the majority of my time either playing outside with my brother, or inside with my dollhouse and sizeable collection of barbies. I won't start in the awkward late elementary school, early middle school years when I had stopped going to private school and started homeschooling, and had in the process, grown unfortunately lonely, though my mind thrived because I was constantly reading and writing. Although those times all matter, and all play a role in the story, if I were to include them, the story would be far too long for this blog, and for your patience. So I'll start in the years when the scars were the deepest, and lasted the longest, where my chains were solidified and became so strong that not only were they put on me, I was putting them on myself. I'll start in high school.<br />
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I was a fifteen year old girl, homeschooled, naïve, with only the uncomfortable knowledge that I didn't have very many friends, that I wasn't the most gorgeous individual on the planet, and I really had no idea what I was doing when it came to dealing with God, or trying to deal with guys, or trying to keep my relationship with my father from completely falling apart. I decided that the summer of 2009 was when it was all going to change for me, I was going to go on a missions trip, and God was going to change me, make me better, and maybe I would make some friends along the way. So, heart in my throat, I signed up for a Teen Mania missions trip, to Dallas. Very unfortunately, this experience did change me, but almost completely negatively. Having a nature that was prone to self criticism and withdrawal, that's exactly what happened. Although I did make a few friends, that trip was mostly spent in tears, wondering why so much of the group didn't like me or reach out to me, why other girls were so pretty and so good at sports and I so wasn't, why God couldn't just fill up the loneliness inside me and let other people like me. That wasn't to say I didn't make friends who reached out to me and were kind on that trip, but my heart was always longing for more, more more, affirmation, love, and acceptance.<br />
When I came home two weeks later, I made a conscious decision, one that followed me all throughout high school and into college until God grabbed a hold of me--that it was my fault people didn't like me, and I was going to change whatever needed changing so I would never experience that kind of rejection again. And I did.<br />
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I started running, and quickly, my obsession became losing weight, so much so, that for a brief period, I had a mild eating disorder. Luckily my parents noticed quickly enough and talked and prayed me through it, but that needing to be in shape, needing to be skinny, never left me, even if the medical disorder did. I had this ideal in my mind of what I wanted to be, without realizing that biologically, because of how my body was built to look, I would never be able to achieve it. Nevertheless, in true form, I blamed myself, and my body for not fitting that standard.<br />
The next part of the story is hard to explain, but it left such huge, huge scars on my heart, but to outsiders, it doesn't usually sound like that big of a deal. My acne flared up and became horrifying, taking over my whole face, and quickly ruling my life. I lived and walked in shame, I couldn't look people in the eye, I felt sorry for people because they had to look at my face, I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep, and on top of it all, I was fighting with my Dad all the time, and questioning whether or not he loved me at all. God was completely distant, if anything, I disliked him, because He made me this way didn't He? I told myself lies that have held me captive so long. <br />
That I was cursed, that I would always be ugly, untalented and unpopular.<br />
That God had purposely made me ugly.<br />
That I would rather not have been born than to live in the pain and shame I was living in.<br />
That my body was a trap I would never be able to escape.<br />
That no one would ever truly love me if they saw what I looked like without pretty clothes, without makeup.<br />
That I was fundamentally different from everyone else, I would always have to work harder to try to be normal, to be liked, to be beautiful.<br />
That being physically beautiful was the key to everything, to being popular, to getting guys to like me, to being normal. <br />
I, on a regular basis, told myself that I hated myself, that I was worthless, that I would never amount to anything, that no one would ever love me, that I should just work harder, push myself more, to be beautiful, to be perfect, that it was either my fault or God's fault. I couldn't see anything good about myself, I didn't understand the point of my being created, if I was to be created with no beauty, no talents, no chance in life.<br />
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I thought the battle was won when I finally cleared my skin two years ago, and while my acne was beaten, the emotional war was still far from over. I started dual enrolling at the University of West Florida, and that just pushed me even farther away from God. My whole world was wrapped up in fitting in, in looking good, and I developed some bad habits during that time. Nobody who went to my church could have known how far away I was from God unless they were making the effort to discern where I was with Him. I sang on the praise team, I attended church every Sunday, I even tithed every once and a while. But God was a million miles away from me, and I didn't really know how to truly connect with Him on a personal level. I knew though, and Christmas two years ago, I decided that I was going to get my life on track, and make God proud. I was going to make straight A's and have a bible study and try to be a better person. During that semester, I bought a book: 'Lady in Waiting' which was one of the major points that started the ball rolling in my transformation. It had me doing a regular quiet time, and inspired me to do some kind of missions or volunteer work that summer, in an attempt to grow closer to God. My dad had mentioned YWAM to me before, but I had dismissed it. With renewed interest, I looked it up, and discovered five month Discipleship Training Schools, where one has an extended period time of training and learning about God, before going out on the missions field. <br />
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For the first time in my life, I felt pretty confident that this was something God wanted me to do. I was still pretty scared that it was going to be like Dallas where I felt out of place and alone most of the time, but I felt pretty sure that it would be a good experience. Nothing, NOTHING could have prepared me for the complete life change that was ahead of me. Because the very first week there, I met God for the very first time. I was just learning that God's voice could be heard, that he spoke to people, but I wasn't expecting Him to speak to me. My heart was still in such unfamiliar territory, the love the Father hadn't touched my heart yet. But Wednesday night, the very first week of DTS, during worship, I just started crying and crying and for the very first time, I heard the voice of the Father. And do you know what He said? "I love you, Ari, I love you, girl" strong and tender like a father, like He saw me and everything I was and He loved me. That was the night when everything started changing, because all of a sudden, I couldn't live without the love of the Father, and he was real to me, He was alive and He spoke to me. <br />
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I can't begin to describe all of DTS, it was an experience of joy and pain, stress and release, fear and boldness. I was working through the complicated mass of chains that bound me, I was breaking the lies I had said over myself, I was growing closer to the Father. In the very last week of DTS, I had an amazing experience where, at a DTS conference, the spirit moved through me and through praying things out onstage, God finally gave me freedom. That was the moment when He transformed me, and though I have to renew my mind every day, I will never, ever be the same. <br />
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In the words of one of my heroes, Kim Walker "If you haven't encountered the love of God, and you would know, you would know, because you would never be the same, you would never be the same again." God revealed his love to me, and I was never the same again. I walk in freedom, not perfectly, but I do. Insecurity and fear is falling off, chain by chain, to the glory of the Father. Things that used to make me so nervous, don't anymore. God creating me wasn't a mistake or an accident, He made me who I am for a reason, and He made me beautiful, and He made my spirit, he made my mind ever active and analytical. He has given me a voice, a message to shout out to the world. <br />
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No matter who you are, or who you think you are, no matter what you have been through or what you have done or who has wronged you--the love of the Father CAN change you, can transform you, and it is always, always there. He loves everyone so much it breaks His heart every day, but He does it anyway, because when that one lost sheep returns, nothing could make Him more happy. I was that lost sheep, I was so lost, but now I am found. Found by my God, my Father, My Husband, my Beloved, my Best friend. Nothing could ever make me go back.<br />
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That's my story. Of course yours is different, but I hope God speaks to you through it, because He is the central figure, He is the hero of my story. The One who loved me when I didn't deserve it, and restored when I didn't think it was possible. He's my savior, my God, and if He isn't already, I pray He may become yours. <br />
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<br />Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-39711616401104784602012-12-31T21:31:00.001-08:002024-01-28T19:10:18.239-08:00Brink of Flight<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Hello,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">This is Ariana from 2023, ten years after many of these posts were written. A few years ago I went through a time, where in a desire to please God, and out of fear of displeasing him, I took a lot of posts off of my blog and reverted them to drafts. However, I am going to prayerfully begin reposting some of them, because, both for memories' sake for myself, but also because not everything that was removed, needed to be. This is one of those posts. I hope it edifies you and draws you closer to Jesus. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Originally posted on December 31, 2012</span></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's the last day of 2012 everyone, and hasn't so much happened? The end of the world came and went without any ruckus or worldwide upheaval, and year full of smiles and tears, transformation, hellos and goodbyes, is finally drawing to a close. Is it just me, or has 2012 seemed like a really significant year? One of those landmark years, where one day, when I am quite adult and settled, will look back and think, "2012...so many good things happened that year..." <br />
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I also remember quite clearly developing a new year's resolution list last year, on the last day of 2011, and to follow up with that, I'm going to tell you how I did in fulfilling those, and show you my 13 resolutions for 2013!<br />
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Now how my life usually works with new year's resolutions, is I'll make quite a few of them, and some of them I will work on, and others I will completely forget about...however, the cool thing is, that at the end of every year when I'm looking back at the previous year's resolutions, I discover quite a few resolutions were fulfilled without my even thinking about it (thanks God!!). The story is the same this year.<br />
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2) I was awarded a job at my university as a part of my financial aide!<br />
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3) I travelled to Thailand with none of my family, just my DTS team :)<br />
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4) Unfortunately I was not able to take a photography course, as I was out of town for the fall semester.<br />
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5) I didn't publish Secret Keeper, because honestly, it would need a huge overall before it was fit for publishing.<br />
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6) I did get all A's in my spring semester! Yay!<br />
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7) I did sing in front of an actual audience, at a talent show with my friend Brittany :)<br />
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8) I do have my own car now, given to my family for free, and fixed up by my daddy! A '99 Toyota Corolla named Addie :)<br />
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9) I sadly did not run another 5k..I did however, run five miles, which was one of my running goals.<br />
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10) I put one blue streak in my hair and didn't like it very much...<br />
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So as you can see, A LOT of them were accomplished and literally--pretty much all of that success was all because of God lining things and arranging them, so thank you heavenly Daddy!<br />
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But really. God accomplished so much in the year of 2012, He completely turned my life around, showed me so much about myself, and gave me hope and life like I've never known before. I'm going to do a separate post going more into detail about big highlights of 2012, and DTS, and what God has done in me personally this past year, I wanted this post to be mainly about resolutions, hopes, and wishes for 2013.<br />
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Here we go!! 13 resolutions/hopes/wishes/dreams for 2013!!<br />
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I need to have a time of worship, prayer, and quiet time every day, just to be in the presence of God, and hear Him in the midst of this busy world.</div>
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Remember how my resolution last year was to get all A's? Well I did...and my nerves were nearly fried by the end of the semester. While getting A's was satisfying, crying over exams because I was so nervous and stressed, studying for ten hours, and obsessing about my work isn't worth it in my opinion. I was placing my value as a person on my grades, and that wasn't okay. This semester I am determined to put God first, and not put an undue amount of pressure and stress upon myself about my grades. Of course I will work hard and do the best I can--<em>without </em>burning myself out and getting all stressed out about it</div>
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Exactly what it says, I want prayer to be more than just something I do when I have my quiet time. I want to intercede, I want to live a life in conversation with Jesus, talking and listening. I want to pray for those I know aren't saved, the nations that are unreached, for my future, discovering what all God has for me, in the future and in the today.</div>
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The last and most important :) For what am I, and all these endeavors, without him?</div>
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--Ariana</div>
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Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-28000096216086450902012-12-29T20:36:00.001-08:002024-01-28T19:29:55.952-08:00The Beautiful Flaw<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hey guys, I know it's been deplorably long since I've written but I guess I don't want to write when I'm not feeling particularly inspired, I'd rather write nothing at all rather than make something up and try to make it work, so I hope you guys understand :)<br />
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Have you guys ever felt hope? I'm sure you have. The uprising, uplifting of the spirit, that makes the tips of your fingers tremble and your stomach clench because you hope it will all turn out for good but there's always a chance it might not.<br />
I've hoped, and I've cursed hope alternately throughout my life, and there was even a point in my life where I gave it up completely because I figured what was the point?<br />
As far as I could see, hope was a cruel mistress, bringing you up, then letting you fall, promising things that she never gives. <br />
But lately I've been trying to give hope a fair shake, and realizing that my definition of hope, and what hope actually means is very different.<br />
Same goes with my definition of beauty, but that's not really a surprise, now is it?<br />
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When I looked back at what hope meant for me in my past, the best way to describe it is: nearly instantaneous fulfillment of the fantasies within my head.<br />
When I really liked a guy, I invested a lot of hope into him, and what I thought we should have together, what I was pretty sure he was feeling, all mixed up with my rather unrealistic romantic dreaming. And if that didn't work out the way I had <em>hoped</em>, I crashed and burned, and who did I blame? Hope, for "making" me fall, "making" me think about him and dream about him, and for not letting it all work out the way I thought it should have gone. <br />
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When I was going through a really bad patch with my skin or my looks in general, I would usually begin strolling the aisles of the great shopper's paradise: Target, looking, <em>hoping</em> for some dream product that would finally make my hair glossy and my skin clear and glowy, make my insecurities disappear as I feel my attractiveness returns.<br />
But if, say, that product doesn't work out the way I thought I would, who do I blame? Hope.<br />
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Now, as the full circle of this year starts to come to a close, I'm starting to realize that the things I was pinning on Hope, are really belong to Expectation and Fantasy. And the anger and hurt inside of me were unfounded, the way I was drawing away refusing to hope, taking a negative view on life...that was just harming me. I built up walls, inwardly scoffing when people quoted verses like "I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." I closed myself off to the idea of love, preferring instead to flirt, and have flings, things that made me feel good about myself, but didn't require me to get emotionally attached. I decided that if anything in my life was going to "well" I had to make it happen myself, because God, or hope, or any of those fairytale happy things weren't going to get me there. <br />
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God began showing me that the reason my life kept not turning out the way I wanted it to, the reason I was nearly always unhappy with myself, the reason why as soon as one of my "flaws" disappeared, I would soon choose another to obsess about, the reason why I was never truly content, always suspicious, losing the ability to dream...<br />
All that was stemming from one major problem, the kink in my plans, the flaw in all my striving: Clear skin, perfect hair, healthy weight, good grades, quite a few boys liking me, pretty clothes, electronics, creativity, a good singing voice...none of that mattered, none of that would satisfy me and they didn't, if God wasn't first in my heart, if I wasn't seeking Him and His Kingdom and His righteousness first.<br />
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Of course I was bitter, of course I was angry, if I was placing my identity, the value of who I was on things as changeable as looks, possessions, of course desperation would rise at the very thought of those things being taken away, because according to me, without those things, what was I worth as a person?<br />
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Basically what I'm taking a long time to say is, giving up on hope, not trusting God to love you or provide a future, trying to carve your own destiny, and create your own identity and happiness is just simply not going to work. You may be outwardly successful, beautiful, talented, or rich, you may outwardly have it all, and pride to go along with it, but true joy, true peace, true satisfaction, being able to live without the gnawing hunger for more...they will elude you. Trust me, I know, I've been there and back again many times. It's that plain and simply, and yet not, isn't it? It's so often so hard to come to God, guilt, fear, pride, anger, they so often get in the way, keep us far away from the one thing that can truly transform us. <br />
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Have a lovely week all :)<br />
--Ariana<br />
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<br />Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-48997501107172505902012-12-03T17:08:00.000-08:002017-02-05T12:11:01.426-08:00Constant Battle<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Somehow, no matter what I go through, it's still easy to make God small in my mind. To compartmentalize Him, place Him in the Bible study box, in the church and campus group box, and forget that He wants to permeate my whole life, be yeast that makes me rise, wine that ferments, bringing me deeper, drawing me away from pollutions that so try to infect my soul.<br />
I know my vices. I am often quick to self criticize, and although God has given me a lot of freedom in that area, it's still hard for me not to focus on my faults, let them consume me in a downward spiral.<br />
Because of that downward spiral, I often drown my thoughts in media, let Pinterest and Netflix drown out my nagging thoughts, the fact that I KNOW I should be doing better, I shouldn't let my appearance get me down.<br />
My mind shouts at me.<br />
"Ari WHY are you worried about your skin, your weight? It's not important! It's dragging you down, making you self focused, making you selfish, getting you off track!"<br />
"Why is this even a struggle for you Ari? Why are you so different from everyone else? No one else struggles with acne like you do, you should be ashamed."<br />
"How long? How long am I going to try and try and never feel like I'm getting anywhere? Stop hoping, it always just lets you down, a quick rise and sickening plummet."<br />
"Ari! Did DTS even DO anything for you? You should know better than to waste your time like that, selfish girl! Wake up and live for the Lord!"<br />
"If you were REALLY passionate for the Lord, you wouldn't let things like this get you down, how long have you battled this? You're never going to be able to hold onto freedom OR close relationship with the Lord. Might as well just give up."<br />
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All these voices, in my head twenty-four seven. It's so hard to separate truth from identity, but I know I should be doing more, so I make promises, which I always seem to breaking. I want to have a good quiet time, but the call to drown everything in TV or Facebook seems to be louder. God is my Protector, and I know God has made me stronger than I was, I am not hopeless, not unless I lose hope, don't daily remind myself that my identity comes FROM HIM, and because of Him, I am BEAUTIFUL.<br />
The daily battle. Reading the word, knowing what is right, then through God's love, APPLYING it to my daily life, changing the thoughts in my mind, changing the attitude of my heart.<br />
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<em><span style="font-size: large;">Romans 7:14-25</span></em><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. I do not understand my own actions. <strong>For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. </strong> Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. <strong>For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. </strong> Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. <br /><br />So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law <strong>waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin </strong>that dwells in my members. <strong>Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Paul's cry is my own. A desperate cry to the heavens, "GOD, I can't do this on my own! I know I don't have to, but yet I try, I know You offer out your hand, but somehow I always push Your help away, try to figure it all out on my own, and it never works! I want to LIVE in You, not just breathe to death, because when it comes right down to it, at the end of the day, when the pleasures I indulge in leave me, like ashes crumbling in the wind, I am left barren, naked, yet I KNOW You are offering shelter, covering, why is it so hard for me to just come to You, just come to the life You freely offer, why is this always a battle, a war, I can't let down my guard for one second, yet You offer strength, I am weak, I have no excuse, God help me come to You, You are my only answer, why can't I just come to You first? Deliver me from this body of death!!"</span><br />
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I listen to Lecrae in the darkness, lit only by the white glow of my laptop screen, and the words flow out raw, the wounds of my heart bleeding all over the page. Everywhere I turn, the voices are different, conflicting, confusing, condemning, guilt oozes, green and acid burning, my heart recoils, I want to retreat away from the world, shut myself away, try to stop the hurling shouts, ricocheting off the walls of my own mind, but they never leave, and yet, as I do gut wrenching battle, tears falling, taking steps forward and steps back, one voice, a slip and shimmer of white, penetrates the dark and guilty mire of confused chaos--<br />
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"You are a SAINT, my DAUGHTER, my BRIDE. You are not beaten, for I am your strength, these trials these times, you were created for such times as these, walk bravely My child, and rely on Me, Oh my child, come to Me, Oh My love, do not resist Me, let Me strengthen you, embolden you. I know you are sorry from your heart's core, but repentance is turning away, walking rightly, looking to My voice, My face, My love, and not looking away. You have the Almighty, Everlasting, Alpha and Omega YAHWEH within you, YOU ARE NOT BEATEN. For when I AM is within you, WHO can be against you?"<br />
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He roars like a Lion, the Warrior King, Raw Power, Lightning Flashing, Pure Adrenaline, Strength unlike anything anyone has EVER seen, within me.<br />
I leave forgiven, redeemed, reminded, and determined.<br />
Bondservant of Christ.<br />
Highest title, I am proud to bear.<br />
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One more battle won. Transformation begins once again. Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-54534286006387007592012-11-27T21:44:00.001-08:002024-01-28T19:13:58.183-08:00Metamorphasis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Hello,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">This is Ariana from 2023, ten years after many of these posts were written. A few years ago I went through a time, where in a desire to please God, and out of fear of displeasing him, I took a lot of posts off of my blog and reverted them to drafts. However, I am going to prayerfully begin reposting some of them, because, both for memories' sake for myself, but also because not everything that was removed, needed to be. This is one of those posts. I hope it edifies you and draws you closer to Jesus. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="color: #93c47d;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Originally posted on March 23, 2013</span></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"Since you have been raised from the dead with Christ Jesus.."<br />
Clawing at dirt, filling my eyes, my mouth,<br />
Flailing, reaching desperately, <br />
The earth is swallowing me whole,<br />
I know it's not right,<br />
I fight, but gravity seems so much stronger,<br />
I want to close my eyes,<br />
Let it drag me down to darkness,<br />
Away from the light,<br />
Many choices I make, <br />
I compromise,<br />
Darkness is easier than light, right?<br />
If life can't be happy, at least it should be fun,<br />
Fun like a firecracker,<br />
Bursts in flashes of laughter and sparks giddy,<br />
Burns down to the taste of ashes,<br />
I taste when I lay in my bed,<br />
Staring at the ceiling,<br />
Wondering where my life went,<br />
Why nothing satisfies.<br />
I thought I had sunk so far down, so much dirt on me,<br />
The light couldn't reach me,<br />
Yet I stretched up my hand,<br />
Tired of the wrongness of life, the badness in me,<br />
Dirt like darkness choking me,<br />
Poison sugar,<br />
My hand reached up, a crack in the soil found,<br />
And strong fingers grasped my pale digits,<br />
Pulled, and kept pulling,<br />
Gasping, coughing, lungs burning,<br />
Light sears my eyes, I blink,<br />
Dirty lashes fluttering, grains of soil clinging to me,<br />
I look up and I see,<br />
Eyes burning through with love,<br />
Sparking with tears, his tan calloused hand,<br />
Reaches out and cups my freckled dirty cheek,<br />
Stained with many wrongs,<br />
His voice like gentleness and strength, Father, Mother, Teacher, Brother,<br />
"I love you Ari. I love you girl."<br />
I gasp out a sob, clutch the hand cupping my cheek,<br />
Don't ever let me go....<br />
"I will never leave you..."<br />
Little by little, I disentangle myself, vines wrap around, <br />
His eyes ever guiding me on, <br />
His hand still grasping mine,<br />
The journey begins,<br />
He whispers words to me as I go<br />
Who He is, Who I am, tightly<br />
Why I need to keep going, not let the hissing lies,<br />
Coil around me once more,<br />
Vegetation that clings and holds,<br />
Vines that strangle, sink so deep, they very nearly become a part of me,<br />
It hurts, ripping off age old lies,<br />
Can't I just relax? I sigh,<br />
Why this constant work, this maze,<br />
These lies, I'll never get through,<br />
"Since then you have been raised with Christ Jesus, set your heart on things above..."<br />
His voice gently commands,<br />
And for that taste of unconditional love,<br />
I follow the eyes, the voice, trying the reach the full light, the break of day,<br />
A never ending sky.<br />
I fall, weary,<br />
The soil rises, filling my senses,<br />
You'll never change, you're bad, you just are,<br />
The slithering voices of lies, dirt like guilt, coats my tongue,<br />
Despair fills my soul, <br />
I cry to heaven,<br />
"Have I wasted it all?"<br />
Thunder rolls, Tears fall,<br />
Rain comes,<br />
Washes me slowly,<br />
Tears of heaven leaving trails on my sin stained skin,<br />
All of a sudden, <br />
I don't push my way through alone,<br />
He is all around, <br />
My limbs armed with a strength,<br />
Flowing from Him,<br />
His eyes flash as I stretch my arms wide, high,<br />
Words, mine, yet not, flowing from deep caverns in my heart,<br />
Raining out iridescence of the spirit, boldness, freedom,<br />
I collapse into his arms,<br />
Chains broken, New creation. Dead to me, Alive in Christ.<br />
Light explodes, sky expands, vibrant blue, horizons never end,<br />
Yet His voice reminds<br />
"Set your mind on things above, not earthly things, For you died and your life is now <em>hidden</em> with Christ in God."<br />
Hidden means it needs searching for,<br />
New goal, new mission,<br />
Passion, Vision,<br />
Search for my life, hidden in Him,<br />
And never stop.<br />
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Have a good day you guys!<br />
-Ariana<br />
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<br />Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-75746800776328676782012-11-22T14:24:00.004-08:002017-02-18T18:56:07.931-08:00Rebirth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well my friends,</div>
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Now is time for me to say-</div>
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Welcome.</div>
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Welcome to new beginnings, a fresh start, a completely different perspective.</div>
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Yes, this is the blog formerly known as Windblown Whimsy, and yes, it has not seen a new post in around six months, but just as this past half year has changed me completely, so this blog is also changed.</div>
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The name 'Nothing, Yet Everything' is from the reality that without God and His working in us-we can do nothing, yet, through His power and his working in us, we can do everything.</div>
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In many ways this will be a completely different blog than Windblown Whimsy was. No longer will blogging be a pressure, a constant striving to be noticed, receive comments, to gain followers.</div>
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'Nothing, Yet Everything' will be my way of living out the call in --></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">New International Version (NIV)</span></div>
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<span class="text Phil-4-8" id="en-NIV-29451"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">"</sup>Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."</span></span></div>
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Whether that be sharing about my walk with God and what He has been showing me, sharing about the start and progress of my crocheting ministry, or posting photography which shows the beauty of God's creation, I am resolved in that no matter what I post on this blog, it gives glory to God and comes from Him, not from my own striving or selfish endeavors.<br />
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It's been a long time coming, but a new beginning is here.<br />
Welcome to Nothing, Yet Everything!<br />
The journey begins.<br />
<br />
--Ariana<br />
<br />Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-10067350775037011102012-05-03T20:38:00.000-07:002017-02-04T14:27:01.613-08:00The Rest of My LifeSo. This is essentially it. I've graduated. I remember being in third grade, and looking at th seniors and thinking that I would never be that old, I'd be in school forever. And honestly, it feels like I have been in highschool for forever, and SO much has happened. <br />
<br />
I remember my freshman year. 2009. I was so different back then, when I look at a picture of myself from that year, its almost like looking at a stranger. That was before I working out or doing anything like that, so I was a bit on the chubby side, but more than that, I remember how unself assured I was, but at the same time, I was full to the brim with imagination and emotion. I wrote so many stories, and they were actually quite good, I so was ready to give myself passionately to any cause or fancy that came my way.<br />
<br />
<br />
And as the years went by, I learned I more and I grew and some dreams died, others sprung up anew. Times I was closer to God and other I was farther away, times when discouragement really got to me, and times where I could just feel the love from my Heavenly Father wrap around me. <br />
And now I sit back, look upon my highschool career, and wonder, "Have I pleased God? Have I sought to please God, or myself?" So many times I sought to please myself. I made myself miserable obsessing about MY appearance, MY acne and how much it hurt me and made ME feel ashamed, MY triumphs, and MY struggles. But where is God in the midst of those four years of teenagedom?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm not going to pretend I'm a perfect Christian, stand here and tell you that I've been nothing but faithful these past four years, that God was foremost in my mind and heart, because most of the time, He wasn't. I was too worried about myself, and my own warped opinion of myself, not to mention how much I worried about what other people thought of me. I for so long wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to be that perfect blonde southern girl, with the shiny straight hair and tanned skin. I wanted to be that brilliant blogger who attracts people with her style and writing flair, her photography and panache. I wanted to be the athlete, the volleyball player, that girl who was confident and coordinated. I wanted to be the girl who effortlessly pulled things off.<br />
So often I was so unsatisfied with who I was, my insecurity and worry ate at me.<br />
<br />
But I think, throughout of these four years, God has taught me so many things, but one of the things that I think is the most important that he has taught me, and lord knows, will continue teaching me for the rest of my life, is that it is NOT ABOUT ME. I could tell you that he has taught to accept myself, which in many ways He has, and he has blessed me so much, but I realize now, that my goal in life isn't to "accept myself" or "love myself" its love God above all else, to love others, preach the Gospel to them, to serve them and show them how God can transform their lives, and most of all, to serve GOD with everything I do. It's hard. My bent is to be selfish, my bent is to worry about what I want and what I look like and thinking about how others see me. And every day I need to read God's word and renew my mind, and get my mindset where it's supposed to be.<br />
<br />
And I realize not many people are going to read this, and fewer, if any, are going to comment. But you know what? If I've encouraged even one person, that's good enough for me. Who am I to expect hundreds of readers and dozens of comments? I'm thankful God is keeping me humble for now, and he's taught me so much through this blog, and even if it never becomes popular, I'm very thankful it exists. So many different stages of my life have been recorded through these posts these past few years, and I don't need validation from others to make that important.<br />
<br />
But those of you who do read my paltry ramblings, I love you guys. I know I'm not a perfect blogger, but I hope you guys have been at least a little helped and encouraged by my writings, the outpourings of a highschooler's heart. But that highschooler isn't here anymore. Who knows what God has in store for my future? All I know is I will follow where He leads. Thanks for coming with me on the journey that is the rest of my life.<br />
<br />
Love you guys!<br />
God bless forever and ever,<br />
<br />
ArianaArianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-10076915520558647802012-04-26T15:05:00.001-07:002012-04-26T15:05:35.975-07:00India Awaits...First of all...I apologize for not having posted in nearly a month. But I have been so incredibly busy with finals and papers and homework and presentations and juggling things left and right that I honestly haven't had time.<br />
But I have two pieces of rather big news:<br />
First of all:<br />
<br />
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="320" src="http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/404797_244123875665555_100002038326319_513069_744623359_n.jpg" width="227" /><br />
This handsome fella is now my boyfriend :) And he is pretty awesome and stuff and I like his face :3<br />
<br />
Second of all:<br />
<br />
I will be going on a YWAM DTS for six months, starting June 3rd. I knowww that's a whole ton of capital letters next to each that don't mean anything to you guys, so I'll explain it!<br />
YWAM (or youth with a mission) is an organization dedicated to training up college students to serve God and spread his message throughout the world, they have bases all over the world, and have ministered to thousands of people. They have this program called Discipleship Training School (hence the DTS) and its a program where students over the age of 18, train for three months at one of their bases, really growing in their faith and learning how to share their faith, before going out and doing missions work for around ten weeks. <br />
<br />
And that's what I am doing! And I can't even BEGIN to describe how EXCITED I am. It all started when I was reading this excellent book entitled 'Lady In Waiting' (which I reccomend every young woman read, single or otherwise) and there was a whole chapter dedicated to encouraging young unmarried women to, rather than trying to fulfill themselves through human relationships, use their single-ness and freedom to serve God. That really struck me. These years of my life, when I am in college and unmarried, is when I have the least responsibility on me. I don't have a family of my own to take care of, nor do I have a job that consumes alot of my time. I do have alot of free time, and that free should and will be used to serve the Lord. <br />
<br />
God is so awesome and has blessed me so much..I should be using all of my time to serve him and bring him glory, and that it is what I am determined to do.<br />
<br />
I will be training in Madison, WI for three months, then I will go to Northeast India and Bhutan, which is an AMAZING God-thing, because I have always been drawn to India and felt like I needed to go there, and I didn't even know we were going to go to India when I applied for the DTS.<br />
<br />
So this is going to be a big journey for me and I am so excited to be going on it..just bear in mind you guys, that I will be in training for three months, then in India for the rest of the time..my blogging will be sporadic at best, but I will try to share as much of the experience as I can with you guys.<br />
<br />
Please pray for strength and boldness as I take this step down the path that God is guiding me, I can't wait to go grow closer and closer to him.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
Ariana<br />
<br />
<br />
Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-12029010687767423832012-04-12T10:11:00.000-07:002017-02-04T14:29:36.212-08:00Lense BeautifulHi girls!! Now on for my birthday part of my birthday post...It really was a great day, the best birthday I've had so far. It wasn't the presents, or the food, it was the love I felt that day. My grandparents called me while I was still in bed, showering me with blessings and well wishes, and the presents I did get, well, let's say my parents know me very well.<br />
One present made me cry.<br />
My new, amazing, beautiful Nikon D3100.<br />
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I'm really excited about that.</div>
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But more than that, being eighteen feels really...settled.</div>
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God's leading me in the way I should go, and I trust Him.</div>
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But...it that might be in Switzerland...very soon :P</div>
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But...more on that later.</div>
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Cliffhanging,</div>
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Ariana</div>
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Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-36790125432315944492012-03-01T18:40:00.000-08:002024-01-28T19:33:03.235-08:00Oh yeah.<div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Hello,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">This is Ariana from 2023, ten years after many of these posts were written. A few years ago I went through a time, where in a desire to please God, and out of fear of displeasing him, I took a lot of posts off of my blog and reverted them to drafts. However, I am going to prayerfully begin reposting some of them, because, both for memories' sake for myself, but also because not everything that was removed, needed to be. This is one of those posts. I hope it edifies you and draws you closer to Jesus. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Originally posted on March 1, 2012</span></div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>First of all--<br />
I'm gonna shoot a new recipe at y'all. Because it's tasty, healthy, and filling, but not too filling.<br />
They are Oatmeal and Peanut Butter Pancakes!!<br />
And they rock.<br />
HARRRDD.<br />
<br />
<strong>PB & J Oatcakes</strong><br />
vegan | makes 10 medium pancakes<br />
Ingredients<br />
1/2 cup quick cooking oats<br />
1/4 cup whole wheat flour<br />
1 cup boiling water<br />
1/4 cup non-dairy milk [like almond or soy]<br />
1 Tablespoon peanut butter<br />
pinch salt<br />
1 teaspoon baking powder<br />
1/2 teaspoon baking soda<br />
1/2 teaspoon vanilla<br />
2 teaspoons sugar<br />
<em>Topping</em>2 Tablespoons each natural peanut butter and jelly<br />
<br />
Method | Preheat griddle to medium-high heat [about 350 degrees]. Prepare oatmeal by combinging oats and boiling water in a bowl. Cover and let set for 5 minutes. Combine dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Add remaining wet ingredients to oatmeal, including PB, and mix. Add wet to dry and stir until just combined. Scoop onto lightly greased griddle in 1/4 cup measurements. These take a bit longer to cook than traditional pancakes since the oatmeal gives them a lot of moisture – about 2-3 minutes each side. Top with melted PB and J. Dig in!<br />
<br />
NOTES:<br />
This will not taste like your average pancake. Its moist on the inside and doesnt really have the fluffy consistency that most pancakes have--but then again they arent carb bombs like traditional pancakes. So. TRY EM. I think y'all will like them :)<br />
<br />
MOAR NOTES:<br />
<br />
Running and Exercising in general.<br />
How much is too much?<br />
Because I am definitely a victim of runner's guilt.<br />
I'm pretty sure anyone who is a runner knows how I feel. <br />
You feel guilty when you can't run, and you feel guilty after you run because you think you should have gone farther, run harder.<br />
It's good to push yourself, it's good to extend your limit and reach new heights.<br />
But how much is too much? When does the line cross from 'pushing yourself' to 'overtraining'?<br />
Does anyone know?<br />
Cuz this chick would like to.<br />
<br />
EAT HEALTHY. BE HAPPY. RUN LOTS.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
AriArianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-36860670894530467822012-02-27T14:51:00.000-08:002017-02-05T10:57:25.341-08:00OutrageI think for some reason, I feel like God has really been laying food on my heart. Let me explain. Lately I've been very interested in finding recipes involving all natural ingredients, and trying to incorporate them into my life, with my limited budget. At first I was just think about it from the standpoint of my own personal health goals. I want to maintain my weight, keep a trim figure, so it makes sense to eat GOOD food, not all that processed artificial food that your body wasnt meant to consume. <br />
But today my view on that matter has drastically changed, because my English teacher showed us a movie in class, called Food, Inc.<br />
Which shocked, horrified, and terrified me.<br />
Because from what I understood, it is so so true.<br />
<br />
It was all about how none of us have any real idea about how our food is processed, how the animals are being treated, or the actual ingredients in our food. Anyone know what Xanthum Gum is? Yeah, i didn't either.<br />
We look on the back of cereal boxes, and have the time there are these huge lists of chemicals, and we have no idea what they actually are. How could it possibly be a good idea to feed ourselves ingredients of which we are totally ignorant??<br />
But the worst part for me was the images of animals.<br />
<br />
Thousands of chicks being run down a conveyor belt as if they were not living, breathing animals, just merchendise, being tossed down chutes, then grabbed by their tiny necks and being stamped for identification.<br />
Hundreds of adult chickens packed into tiny, windowless tunnel-like houses, filled with feces, pumped so full of antibiotics and growth hormones that their bodies are overdeveloped, and their feet cannot support their overgrown bodies.<br />
They can't even walk. Then they are packed away for slaughter, thrown roughly into tiny crates in trucks, just thrown, as if they were nothing but garbage.<br />
<br />
Cows standing knee deep in their own feces, covered from head to toe in manure, forced unnaturally to eat corn instead of grass...It was one of the saddest and most heart wrenching sights I have ever seen.<br />
How could this be happening?? How could any human be so heartless as to subject another living, breathing animal to that kind of treatment?<br />
<br />
They aren't even recognised as animals anymore, they are crops, merchendise. The companies "grow chickens" (and this is a quote from a Tyson Chicken farmer), simply for their meat, and for money. They dont care what happens to them before or afterwards.<br />
Some farmers do care, but they are so indepted to the large companies that they dont have any say in how the chickens are treated or raised.<br />
<br />
All I am is a child of God. And it hurts my heart so much to see other members of God's creations being so exploited and mistreated. We are supposed to be the animals' CARETAKERS. Yet we have subjected them to mere merchendise, we figure its okay to do whatever we want to them, as long as WE get meat on the table.<br />
<br />
I'm sorry. But God would not, and is not pleased, with how those animals are being treated. I know He has ordained for animals and plants to be our food. That's why I don't have a problem with eating meat perse. But I DO have a problem when I see how the food I am eating was treated when it was still alive. Just because we are allowed to eat them does not give us the right to mistreat them so horribly while they are in our care. They are so innocent, and they have no voice, and yet they are being treated like the scum of the earth.<br />
<br />
That makes me really, really angry and sad. People freak out when a puppy has no home, or when a racehorse is put down simply for having a leg injury, as well they well they should. But why does nobody care about these cows, chickens, turkeys? Are they any less creations of God? Why are there rescues funds for dogs and cats and horses, but no one cares that there are thousands of cows standing knee deep in their own feces?? <br />
<br />
IT'S WRONG.<br />
<br />
And I want so desperately to DO something, to somehow change what is happening, and I don't know how. I don't want to become like one of those paranoid PETA membors, freaking out every time any animal is eaten. <br />
<br />
But I cannot just ignore what I saw today, act like its not happening. Because it is. I've lived my life in ignorance of what I've been eating. And I'm going to try not to do that anymore. I will go to the grocery store, and instead of just picking the cheapest cereal, I will try to look through the ingredients, and see if I actually know what they are. I will try to buy free roam, antibiotic free eggs. I will try to get free range and organic meat whenever I can.<br />
<br />
Honestly, at this point, most people become vegetarians, because they want to protest the animal cruelty. But honestly, I don't see how that would solve anything. i would be just one vegetarian among millions of avid meat consumers. It wouldn't put any kind of a dent in the meat production process.<br />
<br />
So what I'm going to do, is try to support those who don't mistreat their animals as much as I can. Because I don't think the meat is the problem, the process is.<br />
<br />
.....<br />
<br />
That's all I have to say. Except that I hope you guys will go on youtube and watch Food Inc.<br />
<br />
AriArianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-31895576329584894242012-02-25T14:43:00.000-08:002018-03-11T21:26:14.174-07:00For the past three days, tortilla wraps have been my lunch of choice, and let me tell you, its been a wonderful change. Because....usually I hate lunch. It's just not a good meal. Unless i get to eat leftovers from dinner, its just sandwiches, day in and day out.<br />
Tortillas have saved my lunches.<br />
<br />
And....here is the recipes for the heroic lunch saving tortillas:<br />
<br />
<img alt="" class="the_recipe_image" src="http://static.tastykitchen.com/recipes/files/2009/09/tortilla1.jpg" itemprop="photo" width="410" /><br />
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See? Super easy, and super tasty!!<br />
</span></span></span>Yesterday my tortillas were filled with<br />
<br />
<img alt="Crunchy breaded chicken" class="PinImageImg" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/183592122279016434_MWeAY6og_b.jpg" style="height: 240px;" /><br />
1. Breaded Chicken, sliceed up into little chunks.<br />
<br />
<img alt="Corn corn corn corn." class="PinImageImg" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/180284791302674328_isOvEjPY_b.jpg" style="height: 127px;" /> <img alt="black beans" class="PinImageImg" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/4503668346848769_ZUy7p4cO_b.jpg" style="height: 150px;" /> <img alt="homemade ranch dressing" class="PinImageImg" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/264234703106615638_RYyDo6sj_b.jpg" style="height: 288px;" /><br />
<br />
2. Corn, black beans, and ranch dressing, plus<br />
<br />
<img alt="Pinned Image" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/227080006180808054_6P1DPuq4_c.jpg" id="pinCloseupImage" /><br />
<br />
Some avocado if you can find some!!<br />
<br />
Put it all in the tortilla, and vwallah, a tasty and filling lunch!!<br />
And for today's tortilla lunch:<br />
<br />
<img alt="Pinned Image" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/19069998391659186_BfECZcJE_c.jpg" height="400" id="pinCloseupImage" width="290" /> <a href="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/174162710559217746_ympqYrxg_c.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img alt="Pinned Image" border="0" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/174162710559217746_ympqYrxg_c.jpg" id="pinCloseupImage" /></a> <br />
<br />
A couple of fried eggs with salt and pepper and some turket lunch meat--also delicious!!<br />
<br />
Thus my lunch has been reincarnated into something awesome--what are you guys going to try?<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
Lunch Lover,<br />
AriArianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-43933651932505029212012-02-23T17:05:00.000-08:002024-01-28T19:24:55.724-08:00So. Today I made homemade tortillas.<br />
I would like to be:<br />
<br />
-Making healthy, delicious food rather than simply buying everything, and eating junk food full of preservatives.<br />
<br />
Because food doesn't have to be fatty, processed, or chemical laden to be delicious.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="White_velvet_soup" class="attachment-large" height="480" src="http://www.greenkitchenstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/White_velvet_soup.jpg" title="White_velvet_soup" width="640" /><br />
<br />
I am going to be filling my body with whole grains, fruits and vegetables, plenty of water, nuts and nutrients. Because our bodies are meant to be cherished and treasures, they need vitamins, protein, nutrients to thrive. <br />
<br />
<img alt="" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-5668" height="477" src="http://www.greenkitchenstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Pistachio_falafel_041.jpg" title="Pistachio_falafel_04" width="640" /><br />
<br />
<img alt="Bean_chestnut_salad" class="attachment-large" height="456" src="http://www.greenkitchenstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Bean_chestnut_salad.jpg" title="Bean_chestnut_salad" width="640" /><br />
<br /><br />
Because the healthy options...they just look way too delicious to pass up :)<br />
<br />
Oh my goodness...it just all looks so delicious. I want to make like all of these things all at the same time!!<br /><br />
Yeah. I kind of love all this...and the images are from this AMAZING blog <a href="http://mynewroots.blogspot.com/">My New Roots</a> , she takes the most gorgeous photos of her recipes, and all them are all natural and super delicious looking! So check her out!<br />
<br />
Not only am I going to eat as naturally and organically as I can, I'm also trying to limit my hair and bodycare products to all natural ones.<br />
<br />
For my hair I'm currently using all natural shampoo and conditioner:<br />
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<br />
<div class="BVRRSExternalSubjectImage" id="BVExternalSubjectImageID">
<a href="http://www.burtsbees.com/" title="More Moisture Raspberry & Brazil Nut Shampoo"><img alt="More Moisture Raspberry & Brazil Nut Shampoo" class="photo" src="http://www.burtsbees.com/wcsstore/Bee2C/images/products/810-999_l.jpg" /></a></div>
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The lovely Burt's Bees shampoo, free of parabans and alcohol, and it smells really good.</div>
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<img border="0" closure_uid_pbwg8x="2" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxOkvhzvFDtqvrFVwzcqX4SWAOHaLuLAt_QZS3NtzEz7_msRNfjzHlbXyFfe9Tv9LoNJMWRTIZ-kdyevbO_Ywg1WlZz_Sg0IWymra8HHysnxXms0-uEQwjXwdFuTpG3YR94pczok4fcNU/s400/condish.gif" width="258" /></div>
For my conditioner....shea moisture raw shea butter restorative conditioner. I JUST got it today, and so far I like it, but we'll see how it stands against the test of time! But its fragrence free, paraben free, alcohol free, and as far as I can tell, its pretty moisturizing-<br />
UPDATE: Feb. 2017, as far as I remember, I didn't end up liking the shea moisture conditioner, so I don't think I would recommend it.<br />
<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
AriArianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-86602695280959592852012-02-14T20:02:00.000-08:002012-02-14T20:02:47.019-08:00Love is HardCorePeople these days have all the wrong ideas about love.<br />
They think it's something that can be fallen into, jumped into, created, or even bought.<br />
They think love is a feeling, a mushiness around your heart slowly melts away like snow.<br />
They think love is lust, passion that burns hot, then fades to ashes.<br />
They think love doesn't exist, that its a word used to manipulate others.<br />
They think love is an idea for those living in a fantasy land.<br />
They think love is overrated.<br />
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Well. I'm here to tell you they are wrong. Love isn't selfish, it's selfless. Love isn't a feeling, it's an action. Love exists, because God IS love, and He is everywhere. Love isn't lust, because when one person truly loves another, they want what's best for the other person. Love can't be overrated, because it's one of the most powerful forces on earth.<br />
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Love fights for what is right, but never judges.<br />
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Love gives, but doesn't expect payment or returned favors.<br />
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Love speaks the truth, but without cruelty or malice.<br />
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Love can melt hearts, mold souls, and change lives.<br />
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So on this Valentines Day of 2012, remember that the point of love isn't chocolate, roses, and teddy bears because love is much BIGGER than that. It's a force that can change your life, and the lives of others. So spill out your love today and be a force for good!<br />
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And never forget, the ultimate expression of love, which was the death of Christ on the cross, where he bore the sins of the WORLD. The world. All the sins of all time that anyone ever commited, in thought, word, or deed. Can you even imagine the pain he endured? Everyone always emphasizes the physical pain Jesus endured. But can you even imagine what He was going through mentally and emotionally? God Incarnate, covered in the filth of humanity, so drenched in the sins of man that the Father, a part of Him, a part of the Trinity, turned His face away from Him. I couldn't imagine anyone having to deal with that kind of pain. And He was completely blameless. Utterly. All for us.<br />
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And half of the time, we forget about it completely. We forget to thank Him for what He did for us.<br />
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So I propose, that this Valentines Day, we remember who taught us what love meant in the first place.<br />
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LOVE,<br />
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ArianaArianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-53585467052695479252012-02-06T16:10:00.000-08:002017-02-05T10:51:55.283-08:00Praising JesusSometimes I forget how large God's plan is, and how small i am within it. How big He is and how much He knows, how well He knows me, inside and out. I mean, He created me. He knows me better than I know myself.<br />
How easily I forget that.<br />
But sometimes all it takes is just one little thing, one gesture, to make me realize how much He loves me. It sounds so cliche, but I mean it. It makes me feel so unworthy. What have I dont at all to deserve to be so blessed? I havent done anything. In fact, many times I've done the exact oppasite of what He tells us to do. I don't understand why he continues to love and bless me so much. It doesn't make any sense.<br />
Yet He does.<br />
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Every situation in my life somehow plays into it too, that's whats so amazing. Sometimes, about half way through the year, I'll look back on my list of New year's resolutions, and i'll be amazed by how many have come true even after I completely forgot about them. </div>
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I forgot, but He always remembers.</div>
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And somehow, He always provides at the right time. Like when I was looking for a photographer for my senior pictures, I discovered a woman I used to babysit for at my church is a photography major. It just blows my mind how He works like that, sometimes without my even asking. </div>
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So That's my tidbit for today.</div>
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God is awesome.</div>
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The end.</div>
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Love,</div>
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Ari</div>
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Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-20047721121853311492012-02-02T16:42:00.000-08:002017-02-05T11:01:25.200-08:00God in the Overcast<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My. </div>
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I am quite thrilled that picnik is now allowing me to use the premium features for free.</div>
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Of course I am VERY sad that they are closing in April...but I am so glad I can use the premium features until then!</div>
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It's been a good day. A nice, overcast, take-pictures-and-drink-tea kind of day. </div>
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Praise God, Who created beauty in the days with sunshine and the days without, and is creating a Home for those who are believers far more beautiful than anything on this earth. </div>
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Seek Him, His Kingdom, and His Righteousness FIRST, </div>
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Ari</div>
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Matthew 6:33</div>
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Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979901895507642126.post-42053185320827441822012-01-27T19:13:00.000-08:002017-02-05T11:05:22.784-08:00Skies Hold Secrets<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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These are my two favorite edits of the week, and I think they turned out fantastic, but the first is definitely my favorite. It's my goal to use my photography as a means of making people think, to have them look into the photo, and then into themselves, to make them ponder and contemplate. I think that first photo is a step in the right direction to making that dream come true :)</div>
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Oh how I wish I had an snocone right now!! That would be the best :)</div>
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So here's a little taste of the bygone summer for you guys, I imagine at least a few of you live up north and are currently buried in snowdrifts--enjoy the green grass and amazing summer lighting!</div>
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sigh....</div>
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I do so love it out west. These photos were all taken in Utah and Idaho, and I really believe Utah is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to. The hills seemed to swallow me up, but in a warm way, like a hug rather than intimidating. If God wills it, maybe I'll be out there someday, in a little town with cute thrift stores and a farmer's market, surrounded by hills and an everlasting sky.</div>
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Ari</div>
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Arianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656129597502980828noreply@blogger.com0