It was completely ridiculous of me, but when I got in the car, I just started sobbing. My mom had to deal with me blubbering and carrying on...I think of it now and I am ashamed.
How could I have let my emotions rule me so completely? God MADE me, and He made me exactly how He wanted me to be. Who am I to complain about anything? I have an amazing life, a wonderful family who loves the Lord as much as I do, AMAZING friends who encourage me from every side, why am I so fixated on looks? It makes no sense, and I am frightened by how powerful an effect my looks had on me.
I thought I looked awful, so my mood went down the drain, and I started feeling sorry for myself and comparing myself to other...really, how ridiculous!
God has blessed me with so much, it fills me with anger at myself that I would be so ungrateful as to complain about few insignificant zits when some poor kids are abused, or homeless, or starving.
On top of it all...He MADE me. How could I be so callous as to complain, to say to His face that what he made is not good enough? It's incomprehensible.
And yet, this has been one my main problems all this summer, thinking wayyy too much about myself and my looks. It's so easy to get lost in selfishness, to look in the mirror and either feel vanity or self pity. All this does is take this focus off of where it should be--GOD, and seeking His Kingdom first, and His righteousness.
I should be focusing on Him and sharing His Gospel and love with others, not worried about myself and how I look and how others think of me. Well, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of either flattering or criticizing myself, I'm tired of caring so much how I look. Caring this much about how I look about myself, having this much insecurity and self-hatred, it's self idolatry and bondage straight from satan.
That's why it's so important to PRAY in the SPIRIT, break chains and bondages, speak life and truth and LIFE over yourself instead of lies and darkness. Our enemy isn't the things and people of this world, but wicked and unholy powers and rulers and principalities of this earth and this present darkness, and that's why I and we need to KNOW that and be prepared, and put on the FULL armor of God.
In the name of Jesus I will speak these truths and these scriptures over myself and God has set me free!
God saw fit to give me this hair, this face, this body and that should be good enough for me. Besides, it isn't even about me, it's about GOD, and following HIS Holy Spirit, and sharing HIS Gospel and HIS love with those who are lost and in bondage around me. I declare in the name of Jesus that I will NOT to be sucked into that way of thinking again. It's so completely wrong and harmful. So if you could pray for me, girls, about this, that would be awesome.
That's part of the battle won. I know what I have to change, and the love of God, the power of the Holy Spirit and breaking chains and speaking truth over my life instead of lies, will change it. That's my huge lesson for today, and I hope you guys will read it it and try to avoid that self destructive path that leads to bondage..trust me, it's not a fun way of thinking and acting.
Thanks for listening, my sisters in Christ!
All my love and God's blessings,