Monday, January 31, 2011

I have a dream..

The immortal words of Martin Luther King, but, hesitantly and oh so tentatively..maybe my own as well.
The thought has come to me before..what do I want to do with my life? Oh I've had many ideas as a child, an artist, a pediatrician, a veterinarian, a dog trainer, a professional horse show jumper, a journalist, a freelance writer, a missionary...but none of them have really seemed FIT. You know? Like the career was just made for me, and I for the career.
I begin to wonder whether there IS a career just for me, that will suit my needs and wants perfectly.
Most likely, I think with a rather pessimistic point of view, I'll have to not bother with all this romantic nonsense and just find a decent job that pays the bills so I don't starve as a young adult.
But deep inside I know that a career is so much more than just a JOB. It's you.
What is the first thing an adult asks another adult?
That's right. "What do you do? What is your career? Where do you work?"
What is another thing that all adults ask budding highschool students? "What do you plan on being? What do you want to do with your life?"
I'm tired of not having an answer.
I know I want to do something important with my life. I want it to matter to people. I don't want to be one of those people who when having died, no one really notices their gone.
I know I want to help people, and I know that I want to do something where I am intellectually stimulated.
The worst job in the world to me would be just sitting in some cubicle all day long, answering phone calls for an insurance company or something. That sounds like the most hideously boring job ever.
I want to be able to interact with people, to make their lives better, to be able to help them.
"That's easy," people say when they hear that, "Become a teacher or a Doctor!"
Well. I can't say I haven't considered being either one. But a Doctor? That involves surgeries and blood and internal organs. I'm pretty good with people in emergencies, but I'm not sure I could handle inside-the-body stuff. Outside, maybe. But inside? I...don't think so.
A teacher? I'm not sure I could do it. Teachers have a hard job, trying to make a bunch of kids care about stuff that most of them don't care about, they have to have pretty much eternal patience and good people skills ALL the time. i just don't think I could handle being with a classroom of kids all year long, every day with practically no breaks. It's a hard job.
I mean, I like some extent. But even with babysitting, after my stint is over and the cash is in my hand, I find myself breathing a sigh of relief. It is HARD to entertain those little guys for even three hours..much less all day, every day!
I think I would go nutso if I became a teacher.

One idea...more of little dream than anything else, is maybe...a dermatologist. What first made that impression on me was actually visiting my dermatologist. He was really nice and made me feel like my acne wasn't disgusting, simply a rather hard puzzle that we both were going to have to work on to solve. He gave me hope that I could have clear skin someday. He was knowledgeable, but also really friendly. In other words, he made my situation a little brighter.
Also, just beyond the emotional stuff, I also spend a ridiculous amount of time researching skin conditions and ways to treat them. I find it fascinating that there are so many different ideas out there about acne and skin problems, some of them are true, some of them just simply wives tales, or just plain old disgusting.
Did you know I actually read in one discussion about what different people use for their acne, that one person actually suggest using a wet baby's diaper as a cure? Isn't that disgusting? How could anyone possibly think it would be okay to put urine on their skin?!
It would be great to clear up that mystery for other people so they don't have to go through what I did, trying to find something that works.
But mainly, I would maybe like to become a dermatologist because I want to help other teenagers and adults who have had the same skin problems I have had. I know how humiliating and demoralizing it can be. It can feel like the complete end of the world.
That's why I want to help, so other people don't have to go through what I did.

I have that little dream inside of me, but another part of me is scared. I don't feel smart enough to go to medical school, to become a doctor. It's seems so huge, and really intimidating. What if I fail? What if I do all this work then don't make it into med school? What if I fail?
I know I'd need to work hard, and I'd have alot of time to figure it out, first college, then med school, but it's still scary.
So could you girls pray, for my and my little dream? About whether it's supposd to be a reality or not?
I would love that :)
Have a GREAT rest of the week girls..and don't forget to comment! I love hearing from you guys.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

That Tucked Away Little Wishlist :)

Hi girls!
As the title suggests..I've got a few little things that I'm gonna be earnin with my work money..thought it would be fun to share!
First of all...a car:

I really do like the VW Jetta...isnt it a pretty car, and super safe :)

I like the Ford Focus too, its a neat little car with pretty good mileage.

And the honda accord...all decent cars, I would really be happy with any of them..or really any car that's safem decent looking, and has good mileage :) I'm not too picky!!
Item number two on the wishlist...A new phone. Specifically...

An LG Rumor Touch from Virgin Mobile...the monthly payment is only $25 a month for unlimited texting and web...and THAT I could definitely use :)
plus you can get awesome cases for them...
like this:
Chalkboard Star Black Phone Protector Cover for LG LN510 Rumor Touch
Or this!
Mybat LG Rumor Touch Cover LN510 Spring Flower Cover Case
Isnt is pretty?
Anyway the touch screen is great, and I love the full keyboard, and its just an allover great phone :)
Item number three on the wishlist:
Mineral Makeup:

Bare Escentuals BareMinerals
I've heard mineral makeup has great coverage and is really good for your skin, gives you an almost flawless look..and I think its definitely worth checking out!!
Item number four on the wishlist...
Outdoorsy Jeans and Khaki shorts:
Helmut Lang Decay <em>Jean Shorts</em> - Chambray Blue

Salsa <em>Jeans Shorts</em>

X-RAY <em>Jeans</em> olive cotton belted cargo <em>shorts</em>
I'm really sick of this whole really tight and really tight shorts trend...I just want SHORTS, loose and comfortable that I can go running around in the woods in!
Yes, I am still quite a tomboy..running around outside is one of my favorite things to do.
Besides, for girls like me, with a more muscular body type, rather than waif thin, these kinds of shorts are alot more comfortable and flattering. Trust me, I've seen bigger girls wearing super short shorts..and it is NOT flattering. Just because the models are wearing it doesnt mean its attractive for everybody, OR modest, by the way :) I'm definitely not one of those people who will say jeans are immodest, but I will say that those shorts are, and super tight jeans. They just are. I prefer to dress for practicality and comfort...which those jeans are!
Anyways :) Kind of an odd post, but hey I said from the beginning that this blog is going to be unique!
Those are the things I'm saving up for, with my job and and extra money I can get my hands on :)
Have a great saturday girls!! Live every moment for Christ!

All my love, and God's blessings, Ari <3

Friday, January 28, 2011

Mhhmmm :)

So, finally, another photography post..I know i havent done one in a little bit, but life's been busy, and so have I :)
So here comes to the photos :) hope you guys like! I dont have time for much else than the photos..a few of them are special though, their the poster collages I was telling you guys about a few posts back. Their made from calenders and I love them :)

These I took in my room at the condo in orlando :)

MMM condensation is so pretty :)

Psh, random I know, but it was cool :P

Isn't it cool? Slightly lopsided, but I just LOVE hummingbirds :)

I just loved this Ansel Adams calender..wasn't he just the best photographer? I am in awe of his shots :)

And this was from a French photography calender of my mom' I want to go France looks so pretty!!
And how about the butterflies strewn all about? A nice touch huh? Anyways, now I love my walls, they are so purtay :)
I am soooo tired, so I have to go now..but I hope you guys like em!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Trust and a Black Nissan

Hey girls...has it ever been a roller coaster of a day...and a week, now that I come to think of it. Filled with school, work, and ortho appointments,it's been pretty action packed here!!
So. Here's something I'm contemplating. My boss is selling an old car of hers. A '95 Nissan maxima, black, and in not too horrible shape...and only for $1800. I SO have that money. Seriously. So here's the dilemma: do I ask my parents about it, arrange things with my boss, and get my own car--or do I pass by this oppurtunity and save up $5000 and get a nicer car. One car I've had my eye on is the VW's a cute and safe car.
But...I mean it's my first car...what if I get in wreck? All those hours of working...totaled.
Also, if I buy the Nissan now, I could work for college tuitions, and not for a car.
Can you see my dilemma? I don't want to regret not getting a nicer car, but at the same time, the Nissan is not a beater, it's in good condition, and very cheap. So what do you guys think I should do?

Anyways, as interesting as car talk is, I had something different on my mind when I set out to write this post. The topic at hand--doubt.
I seem to be doing alot of that lately, and it's something that's really plaguing me. I think I have kind of a trust issue...i always get so scared that im going to be let down. Take my skin for example i worry, what if its just a fluke, what if it doesnt really clear up?
It even works that way sometimes in relationships too, I just have spells where I doubt and worry, and I really hate it I know it takes trust in God to dispel doubt../but how do I do that? How do I just trust in God? I want to, I want to just ignore my problems and trust. But again there's that nagging whisper in my ear..."problems won't go away if you just ignore them...what will trusting do? You have to take action!!" so that's when I do stupid things like pop pimples, text my friends nonstop because I need to know that they love me, or freak out for no apparent reason at all. It's like my common sense has absolutely no defense against these attacks, it just backs down and lets doubt take control...I want to stop that patteerm...but how?
Just by trusting God? Can it really be that simple? I know inside my heart that God is the only one with true wisdom, and He has a plan for my life, and he k OSS better than I do. I know that deep inside. So why is it so difficult to live it out?
But I just worry and worry till I'm all stressed out
It creates a feeling of not being in control, an my human nature just hates that.
It wants to be in charge, it wants to have all the answers, it wants to know the end of he story. I know I should try hard to suppress that's just super difficult, I suppose.
I know my problems may not immediately go away...but in the long eun, i will have benefitted from trusting God this unfortunately, i'm very much a short term person--i like to see results--fast!! But i know thats not how real life works, with anything, including trusting God.
So thts my challenge..amd really it should be all of our challenge, to trust God, no matter what the circumstances. Even if takes forever, and is really difficult.
Because if we can't have trust in our Creator, who can we have trut in? Nobody.
So I will trust Him..and so should you!!
That's my little note for the day..have a grat of the week girlies!
Ari /)
All my love, and God's blessings, Ari <3

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Could it be magic?

So. Another update on my wild road to clear skin...and my goodness, has it ever been wild, and extremely emotional. This past week especially so. I have never broken down so many times about my skin before, EVER. I felt like crying all the time, my poor parents must have thought I was psychotic.
It was like I had hit complete rock bottom and despair, I have honestly never felt so depressed about my skin before, and I was just crying out to God and beggig him to somehow, some way, make it better.
Then. It actually did. I was looking at someold pictures, like from last spring, and noticed how, even when I was freaking out about my skin then, it really REALLY wasn't that bad. So I decided to switch back to what I was using then and KEEP using it NO MATTER WHAT. No switching products, no nothing.
It's been four days since I have decided to switch, and I have not regretted it. Of course I'm not back to my original clearness, but I am ALOT better than I was last week, and I will keep using it I'll keep you guys posted!!

My products:
Velocity facewash and moisturizer:

Neutrogena Alcohol-free toner:

Clean N Clear Persagel:

Now this product has ten percent benzoyl peroxide, so it is very effective, but VERY drying, so use sparingly.
and at night:

from the dermotologist :)
This seems to be the formula that works best for me, the wierd part is, the ingredients used seperately aren't really effective, but put together I believe they make a huge difference.
So that's my little update :)
I'll let you guys know how it's progressing!

Hi guys! it's actually the 24th today, so this is kind of a post script or add on note to the post I did yesterday..I didn't really get a chance to elaborate on it, since I was a bit strapped for time, so I'll do today :)
It's actually a really awesome system, I've been using it for about four\five days now, and I am MASSIVELY clear-er than I had been this time last week. I have one horny pimple on my chin that was cyst, but now has a head, but I dare not pop it, so I'm kind of just waiting until it goes away, and a couple on my forehead and like one or two on my cheeks but thats pretty much it.
Basically, my only problem is my picking habit...I definitely dont do as much as I used to, I'm working on it, especially since picking doesn't really get rid of the zits just come up later to replace them.
I havent had any new big breakouts, just tiny ones that are really easy to cover up and go away in a day or two anyways.
My goal is to get back to looking like this :

This was me in February last year...I dont think I have any makeup on...
And this :

In this one I had makeup on...But you can see the difference. I don't know WHY I ever got off that system. True, it did get a little worse in the summer, but mostly it was like this:

Wierd face I know, but I mostly broke out just on my chine and under my nose, VERY rarely on my forehead and cheeks.
My goal is to get back to that, of course it will take alot of time, but I am totally willing to be patient, now that I see that thats what works for me. I only wish I had discovered it sooner.
Oh and dont think that because my skin was clear back then that I was happy with myself. Nope.
I hated my crooked pre-braces teeth and I was still in the process of losing weight back then so I was totally a basket case about that. I wish I could have appreciated my skin, but I didnt..hindsight really is twenty twenty huh? Well, I'm on the road to recovery...and you guys are along for the ride! Fun. huh?
I'll keep yall posted!
Love (again),

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Random FPOTD!!!

Yep. FPOTD! (Favorite Pic Of The Day), reserved for those girlie bloggers out there who simply cannot write loooooooooooong novels everyday depicting the highly awesome interestingness of their lives!
So. My favorite pic today is a self portrait, and while, in a photographical sense, isn't too amazing, but I really think it captures the essence of ME.

Like I said, not too photographically awesome, but I love it because it's so ME. The old loose tshirt, the slightly messy hair, the huge smile and happy half moon smiling eyes.
It's me in the sense that I just love being free and joyful. I will never be one of those super stylish girls who know how to pull together an outfit perfect, who straighten their hair to perfection and always wear a ton of makeup. I'm just me. I'm the girl who would be perfectly content wearing sweats or even pajamas all day long, my favorite outfits are simply tshirts and jeans, I love my sneakers and dont see a need to buy fancy "gladiator sandles" which look insanely difficult to walk in.
I'm just me, flaws and all, take me or leave me, because I don't intend on changing for anyone.
Besides, I love this photo because I think it shows the joy that God has given me. I love to laugh and smile and hug and dance. That's who I am, and I think this photo represents that :)

But on a more responsible-blogger-like note, today has been a rather interesting day :) I took all my old posters down, cut up some of my favorite calenders and arranged them on my wall in a collage like style.
On one wall there are gorgeous pictures of hummingbirds, and on the other walls there are photos done by Ansel Adams, the super amazing photographer :) I pretty much love my bedroom walls right now.
Well, that's my news! Hope you guys have a super amazing Saturday!!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Vacations sure are...SNAZZY!

So. The continuation of the last post's vacayion pictures!! Sorry I can't get much in as far as actual TALKING...I've had a super stressful past few days and a few emotional breakdowns, and I'm working soon, so I'd rather just show you guys what our vacation was like :)

Yep. The car ride over...was very full of books.

Yep. It was a very communal trip. My sister's legs over mine...and my brother being anitsocial with his awesome earphones thingies.

And now...the pictures in Disney, in completely awesome random order!!

There's the family..lookin so goshdarnit good lookin :)

Haha look at Marly's face!! We appreciate art so much....

Annnnd there it is, our favorite rollercoaster, Mount Everest, that we rode as many times at humanly possible!!

It was so epic. Even my little sister loved it!!

I love how this looks all Inception-like..what with the road folding up? Totally awesome!

Toy story!! I loved Toy Story about you guys? I thought it was even better than the 2nd..what with Spanish Buzz? Hilarious!!

YEAH. My sister is a jamaican mickey :P

Sorry there aren't tons of pictures...I was sick alot, and my mom isn't a HUGE picture taker...but I like what we have so far...hope you guys enjoy!!
Ari :P

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A Day Like Chips And Salsa

Because everybody knows that chips and salsa--are totally awesome!! I just had some...and they were delicious :) But anyway, today has been pretty much like that. Sunny, I got a day off work, all the time in the world to do school and some of the other stuff I love to do--like blog!
So here come my promised pictures from vacation...unfortunately my parents wouldn't let me take my new camera to the parks, in case something happened to it, which makes sense. I took a couple of pictures on my old camera, but my mom has all the epic roller coaster pictures on her I have to wait for her to upload them!

Yes, the famous castle in Magic Kingdom.

I thought those wreaths were so cool, the way they lined up with the castle. The Christmas decor in January was a little bit wierd..they were even playing Christmas music! I mean, hello, it's after New Year's!

This is one of those pretty little gift shops in Magic Kingdom :)

Yep. Another parade that completely congests the roads and its takes like half an hour to pass through. And plays obnoxious music too. Seriously?

Who knows why they were clutching their heads? Maybe the music gave them a headache!! Haha!

So. I thought these were hilarious.

And so is this. Yeah I totally made him wear those, but it was totally worth it!!
So that was our Magic Kingdom day..more vacation pictures coming soon!
Have an awesome day!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Hey Ferb, I know what were gonna do today...

Yeah, yeah I know that show is a cartoon on Disney and I am WAAAYYY to old for that, but honestly? It's totally hilarious. And Fish Hooks? I just love Milo and Bea!! But enough about cartoons. *raises eyebrows mysteriously* What have I been doing today? Well, I went to Epcot with my family, got some noodles in China, and a Pina Colada slushie in Morrocco and did some Soarin :)
It's our last day going to the parks and honestly, i am quite relieved. I hate feeling exposed like that every day, with thousands of people looking at me and judging. I'm more of a homebody myself, where I can wear sweats and have no makeup on and do whatevs. Ya know?
Argh. I wanted today to be a happy post...but honestly, I am really not feelin too awesome. I wish I had some pictures I could post...instead I think I'm gonna post music videos of some of my favorite songs :)
I mean, two depressing posts in a row would be *so lame* :P So I'm gonna shaaaare some song wid you guys..hope you enjoy...and that  you like christian rap, cause that's basically most of it!

Sorry, I'm figurin out this whole copying youtube videos thang :P

I hope this works! and that you guys enjoy :)
love, Ari

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Heartbreak Remembrances

Hey girls...this little blogger, instead of having a blast at Hollywood studios, is sitting here at home with an upset stomach :( Oh well, that gives me more time to sit here at the condo and write!
So. My topic for today is not a very happy one, but it's pretty much all I can think about, and then when I do, I am shocked at myself.
You see, for years I have been the poster girl for "the girl who doesn't need guys". And I really meant it too.
I had had too many heartbreaks and had decided--enough. I'm not doing this anymore, guys just aren't worth it. So I was single for like forever.
But now...i kinda broke the cardinal rule of being a single independent girl....yeahhh I kinda fell in love.
Well, maybe not in LOVE, but like really liking a guy.
And now I'm scared that I'm going to lose him. I never really understood the feeling before, I always thought, "How could those girls be in such a train wreck over a guy? They need to move on!".
But now that that feeling is happening to ME, when I really care about a guy, I understand how awful it is. I don't even know for sure, but its still driving me crazy.
Now I finally understand what it feels like, and it doesn't feel good at all. I almost feel guilty, like I'm not supposed let a guy mean this much to me.
It's all jumbled up inside. I like him so much, and it would hurt SO bad to lose him, but in the end, I know it doesn't matter. God is what truly matters and in the big picture, it doesn't matter if I lose a guy.
But that doesn't stop it from stinging now. It's so weird, I mean I'm sixteen, but I feel totally new to this guy\dating\heartbreak stuff. Before I couldn't care less about guys, I was a regular tomboy.
Guys were my friends, and that was it. Guys liked me, but I didn't really care. It was fun, but I never met a guy that captured my interest. .
Now I have. And I want him to be my boyfriend. That's where the fear comes in. What if he doesn't like me that way? What if he never asks me out? What if this is all in my head?
Yeah. So this inexperienced girlie is gonna have to figure it out I have you girls handled guy problems? I'd like to hear stories, or advice, considering i know like zip.
I know, a weird blog post, but I can't really focus on anything else.
Geez, being a girl is super tough. What with our issues with our self esteem, PMS, and confusing guys to boot, its a pretty crazy and tough world out there...but I know we'll get through it.
I've got God, my family, and amazing friends that will help me get through any trial, so I've gotta stay hopeful, and trust God no matter what.
On the bright side, down here in Orlando, there's this super huge target and it has an outrageous amount of awesome stuff, and and i have $90 dollars of spending money!! New shoes are calling my name!
So sorry for this slightly weird and depressing post, but a blogger needs to be honest with her readers. She can't just put on a happy face when things aren't going great, that would be like lying to her readers, which I refuse to do.
So, I'm having a bit of a bad day today, but I'll get over it, and in the meantime, you guys have an awesome Thursday!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Sister to Sister :)

Hey girls! I am in Orlando and chillen here on the couch of our condo, writin on my Daddy's laptop. Today was pretty crazy! We went to Magic Kingdom and Epcot and had alot of fun, riding the rides and seeing the sights. I've been trying really hard to get over my self consciousness, at least over my skin, and today, it worked pretty okay. I mean, I definitely felt different, but it didnt totally get me down because I felt pretty in other ways. My hair looked good and I liked the outfit I was wearing, so that helped some, besides, I just figured that I am never going to see any of these people ever again, so why do I care how they see me? The people, my family, friends, and this one awesome guy, all love me for why should I care if I have a zit or two? Nobody's perfect. Life isnt Disney Channel. Not all girls have an unlimited wardrobe with perfect hair, perfect skin, fame, and a cute boy to boot.
I have a great, loving, encouraging family, a God who loves me and friends who would take a bullet for me and I for them...what else do I need? I dont need the approval of the world anyway.
So that's my daily pick me up--for you guys AND me. I know not girls struggle with skin issues like me, but all girls have SOMEthing they dontg like about themselves, and I am here to tell you that in the end it DOESNT matter. I know that deep inside, but sometimes its SO hard to bring it out, to really live it.
I'll freely admit I have had meltdowns about my looks, I've freaked out about my skin, I've moaned overf my flaws. But that doesnt mean that after I'm done freaking out, I can't pick myself up, and with God's help, try again to make it through. And so can you.
What are some of your insecurites? We girls are all together on this and we should be praying for each other about our fears and insecurties. If you dont want to leave it in a comment, message me!
We are sisters in Christ, and we should pour out our hearts to each other, and then pray our hearts out for each other, because that is how God's body WORKS. You know some of mine now...I would love to know some of yours, so I as your sister can pray for you ;)
Well, that's my little note for today :)
No pictures...those'll come after the trip.
Love you girls! Keep reading, commenting, and living for Christ!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Aren't vacations exccciiiting?

Hey girls!
Tomorrow my family and I are heading down to Orlando to have an awesome time at Disney World together. So, while that means awesome times, roller coasters, staying at a condo, shopping and all that jazz, it also means I can't really post for a week. But don't worry, I will take tons of pictures and the posts afterwards will be be worth the wait!
So were driving down tomorrow, that means nine hours of trying to entertain myself in a car with two siblings, but fortunately, my parents are gonna let me drive on the highway, so I am a little bit closer to getting my licence! Sooo exciting.
Oh and another note...I believe a sweet little blogger named Chloe Jane I'm pretty sure, commented on one of my last posts, and you were so sweet, I'm sorry I couldn't comment back! Blogger was being really weird and wouldn't let me, in no way did I not appreciate your comment :) in fact I LOVE comments so comment away my friends and tell me what you think of my posts and pictures!
So that's my little note for today...sorry there are no pictures I have been crazy busy today what win church and packing and having people over for lunch, it's been crazy busssyyy :)
So don't miss me too much girlies, I promise I'll be back!
All my love, and God's blessings, Ari &lt;3

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Blue Wishes

Hey girls!
How are you guys this lovely Saturday morning? I can't say I'm feeling too peachy, but I hope you guys are feeling awesome :) I wanted to show you guys some pictures from my last babysitting job...I was literally snapping pictures the whole time, the poor baby had no idea what was going on!
He was so cute though, and was literally addicted to his bottle. He was sucking on that thing the whole was like his security bottle.
I had just gotten off work and was tired, but he was a good boy, and hey every little bit of cash helps!

My sister was my assistant babysitter :)

He loved that bottle..and sorry about the slightly blurry hands, that boy was constantly moving!

    He was so cute!!

Like I said. He's a milk-aholic!!

But at the same time, of course, an adorable and rather sleepy baby :)
I love comparing pictures from my old camera to my new one now...the quality is so much better!
As far as life goes, there's not much news to report. i have a few bits of good news, I have a steady job now and am gonna work to buy a car :) Also, I had a physics test on Friday that I was worried about, but I aced it, so that made me super happy :)
And nooww I have another poem to share with you guys. I don't post them often, but I really like this one :)

Hang On

It’s a familiar feeling,
The roller coaster is up to the top,
The second before it drops,
Everything inside my poised to fall with it,
Hair flying forward,
Voice ready to scream,
The gleam of the metal,
Holding me up,
Yet twisting turning,
Upside down,
No control,
No time to do anything but
Hang on.

I see the rail,
But it doesn’t register,
Until the twist finally happens,
Velocity incomprehensible,
Can’t control myself,
It’s a primal world,
Where the fight to survive,
Still so wholly exists,
Can’t put my hands in the air,
No thoughts,
But to hang on.

You are like my roller coaster,
Turning my insides out,
Can’t let the feelings out,
Their too busy,
Fighting zero gravity,
Wish I could relax,
Enough to let you catch me,
But the fear is ever there,
Makes my clutch that safety bar,
The ever dependence upon indepence,
The first thought in my mind
To hang on.

It’s a delightful fear,
But fear it still is,
Tying my stomach in knots,
I can laugh it off,
And ignore it’s there,
But if I ever see your face,
I’ll be on top of that roller coaster again,

For the moment when it all drops,
For good or bad,
It can’t be stopped,
A force beyond my own self,
Dignity can’t be salvaged,
When you are falling in different directions,
On a ride you can’t stop or slow down,
Nothing to do,
Just hang on.

Time passes like,
A shooting gun,
Once fired it can’t be undone,
Once you buckle in there’s no turning back,
As the coaster rides on up,
Clicking and clanking,
To increase the feeling,
Curdling in your stomach,
Is there joy at the end or sorrow,
Will I regret this move tomorrow?
Can’t predict where the gun will fire,
Can’t see the end of the race,
Before it’s begun…
All those people and I see only one,
Haloed in the setting sun,
Don’t know which direction to run,
Can only hang on.
What if in the middle,
Of the wild and insane confusion,
You grab my hand and become an anchor,
The whole world could turn over,
But I would have you,
Only a possibility,
But one that makes me,
Linger before the ride,
Unable to walk away,
Wishing I could have both,
The safety of the ground and the safety of you,
So terrifying,
Where will this go,
Are you forbidden,
Nobody knows,
A roller coaster no one can see,
A mystery hiding in dark melee,
Will curiosity get the best of me,
What one earth is meant for me,
God, show me which way I should flee,
In or out,
With you or away,
Can’t bear to stay,
Or leave,
Just desperately
Hang on.

I hope you guys like it!! Well, that's all for today...Have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Drops Fallin..

Okay, first of all..I'm so sorry the video didnt work!! *sadface*
I am also very sorry for not posting in a horrible amount of time! But school started and work and life in general...and there has been a dearth of spare time. My apologies lovely readers! I hope these pictures make up for my absence :)

In case there is ANY doubt...I am completely and totally in love with my camera.

A drop of the eternal atmosphere...falling from the heavens,

Reflecting the world around them, in a gleam of refracted light.

A tiny world within itself, a globe teetering dangerously,

A thoughtful tear, fallen from the face of the sky, filled with the liquid burdens of the heavens,

Happy tears, or sad ones, who am I to say? The sky moves on, the clouds will clear, the roaring chasm will be filled.

Hanging on by one last tendril, a stuggle to survive, a primal urge to hold, to avoid being extinguished, seperated on the cold ground.

So do you guys like em? I had SO much fun taking them!! i went outside in my talls socks and crocs and took tons of pictures after the rain had stopped..I felt so photographer-ish :)
So since the video didn't work, I might as well give you the whole spiel verbally..I'm so sorry it didnt just wouldnt upload, maybe it was too long?
I have a had a long relationship with acne..haha an abusive one, i like to say :P
But, but the last eight months it's been especially rough. What I was using for the greater part of that time was the AcneFree System

Which worked okay...but not awesome. I still got zits, and it made my skin really dry,
so i used Cetaphil moisturizer
<em>Cetaphil</em> Daily Facial <em>Moisturizer</em> SPF 15
 I'm sorry the picture is so small! Anyway and that helped some, but I wasn't totally satisfied.
At night I used Epuido, a cream given to me by my dermotologist
I use it only at night, as directed :)
Since I wasn't totally happy with my routine, I decided to switch. I had heard alot of good things about the Mary Kay acne system, so I decided to give it a try :)
I'm using right now--
Mary Kay Velocity for a face wash and cleanser. They are very light and great smelling, the moisturizer can be almost too light, I supplement with the Cetaphil :)
For my acne I use the Mary Kay Acne gel
Mary Kay Acne Treatment Gel

Sorry again that it's so small! and then at night I still use the Epuido :)
So that's what I'm using right now, and so far it's been working pretty well..its only been four days, i can't wait to see where I am in a month!
Well I'm all typed out I hope ya like it :)