Thursday, January 13, 2011

Heartbreak Remembrances

Hey girls...this little blogger, instead of having a blast at Hollywood studios, is sitting here at home with an upset stomach :( Oh well, that gives me more time to sit here at the condo and write!
So. My topic for today is not a very happy one, but it's pretty much all I can think about, and then when I do, I am shocked at myself.
You see, for years I have been the poster girl for "the girl who doesn't need guys". And I really meant it too.
I had had too many heartbreaks and had decided--enough. I'm not doing this anymore, guys just aren't worth it. So I was single for like forever.
But now...i kinda broke the cardinal rule of being a single independent girl....yeahhh I kinda fell in love.
Well, maybe not in LOVE, but like really liking a guy.
And now I'm scared that I'm going to lose him. I never really understood the feeling before, I always thought, "How could those girls be in such a train wreck over a guy? They need to move on!".
But now that that feeling is happening to ME, when I really care about a guy, I understand how awful it is. I don't even know for sure, but its still driving me crazy.
Now I finally understand what it feels like, and it doesn't feel good at all. I almost feel guilty, like I'm not supposed let a guy mean this much to me.
It's all jumbled up inside. I like him so much, and it would hurt SO bad to lose him, but in the end, I know it doesn't matter. God is what truly matters and in the big picture, it doesn't matter if I lose a guy.
But that doesn't stop it from stinging now. It's so weird, I mean I'm sixteen, but I feel totally new to this guy\dating\heartbreak stuff. Before I couldn't care less about guys, I was a regular tomboy.
Guys were my friends, and that was it. Guys liked me, but I didn't really care. It was fun, but I never met a guy that captured my interest. .
Now I have. And I want him to be my boyfriend. That's where the fear comes in. What if he doesn't like me that way? What if he never asks me out? What if this is all in my head?
Yeah. So this inexperienced girlie is gonna have to figure it out I have you girls handled guy problems? I'd like to hear stories, or advice, considering i know like zip.
I know, a weird blog post, but I can't really focus on anything else.
Geez, being a girl is super tough. What with our issues with our self esteem, PMS, and confusing guys to boot, its a pretty crazy and tough world out there...but I know we'll get through it.
I've got God, my family, and amazing friends that will help me get through any trial, so I've gotta stay hopeful, and trust God no matter what.
On the bright side, down here in Orlando, there's this super huge target and it has an outrageous amount of awesome stuff, and and i have $90 dollars of spending money!! New shoes are calling my name!
So sorry for this slightly weird and depressing post, but a blogger needs to be honest with her readers. She can't just put on a happy face when things aren't going great, that would be like lying to her readers, which I refuse to do.
So, I'm having a bit of a bad day today, but I'll get over it, and in the meantime, you guys have an awesome Thursday!


  1. Sorry you are feeling bad!

    I know what you mean. I am nineteen and I have zero experience when it comes to guys. Although, I will tell you, I have told two different guys that I liked them and neither of them felt the same way. Yes, it was embarrassing and I did regret it at the moment, but now I have moved on and I am glad I told them. I would be more regretful knowing that I hadn't even tried.

    Right now, I'm trying to become more confident and happy with who I am before I try to start dating anyone.

    I will agree that guys are super confusing though and it is very hard to be a girl!

    I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do! Hope you are feeling much better soon!

  2. Thanks Jessica :)
    I don't think I could ever work up the courage to actually tell a guy I like him..I do leave some raaaather not so subtle hints tho haha.
    and I kinda believe that the guy should be the one asking, but my issue now is, what is he never does?
    But i'm dealin with it :)
    Thanks for the lovely encouraging comment ;)