Monday, January 31, 2011

I have a dream..

The immortal words of Martin Luther King, but, hesitantly and oh so tentatively..maybe my own as well.
The thought has come to me before..what do I want to do with my life? Oh I've had many ideas as a child, an artist, a pediatrician, a veterinarian, a dog trainer, a professional horse show jumper, a journalist, a freelance writer, a missionary...but none of them have really seemed FIT. You know? Like the career was just made for me, and I for the career.
I begin to wonder whether there IS a career just for me, that will suit my needs and wants perfectly.
Most likely, I think with a rather pessimistic point of view, I'll have to not bother with all this romantic nonsense and just find a decent job that pays the bills so I don't starve as a young adult.
But deep inside I know that a career is so much more than just a JOB. It's you.
What is the first thing an adult asks another adult?
That's right. "What do you do? What is your career? Where do you work?"
What is another thing that all adults ask budding highschool students? "What do you plan on being? What do you want to do with your life?"
I'm tired of not having an answer.
I know I want to do something important with my life. I want it to matter to people. I don't want to be one of those people who when having died, no one really notices their gone.
I know I want to help people, and I know that I want to do something where I am intellectually stimulated.
The worst job in the world to me would be just sitting in some cubicle all day long, answering phone calls for an insurance company or something. That sounds like the most hideously boring job ever.
I want to be able to interact with people, to make their lives better, to be able to help them.
"That's easy," people say when they hear that, "Become a teacher or a Doctor!"
Well. I can't say I haven't considered being either one. But a Doctor? That involves surgeries and blood and internal organs. I'm pretty good with people in emergencies, but I'm not sure I could handle inside-the-body stuff. Outside, maybe. But inside? I...don't think so.
A teacher? I'm not sure I could do it. Teachers have a hard job, trying to make a bunch of kids care about stuff that most of them don't care about, they have to have pretty much eternal patience and good people skills ALL the time. i just don't think I could handle being with a classroom of kids all year long, every day with practically no breaks. It's a hard job.
I mean, I like some extent. But even with babysitting, after my stint is over and the cash is in my hand, I find myself breathing a sigh of relief. It is HARD to entertain those little guys for even three hours..much less all day, every day!
I think I would go nutso if I became a teacher.

One idea...more of little dream than anything else, is maybe...a dermatologist. What first made that impression on me was actually visiting my dermatologist. He was really nice and made me feel like my acne wasn't disgusting, simply a rather hard puzzle that we both were going to have to work on to solve. He gave me hope that I could have clear skin someday. He was knowledgeable, but also really friendly. In other words, he made my situation a little brighter.
Also, just beyond the emotional stuff, I also spend a ridiculous amount of time researching skin conditions and ways to treat them. I find it fascinating that there are so many different ideas out there about acne and skin problems, some of them are true, some of them just simply wives tales, or just plain old disgusting.
Did you know I actually read in one discussion about what different people use for their acne, that one person actually suggest using a wet baby's diaper as a cure? Isn't that disgusting? How could anyone possibly think it would be okay to put urine on their skin?!
It would be great to clear up that mystery for other people so they don't have to go through what I did, trying to find something that works.
But mainly, I would maybe like to become a dermatologist because I want to help other teenagers and adults who have had the same skin problems I have had. I know how humiliating and demoralizing it can be. It can feel like the complete end of the world.
That's why I want to help, so other people don't have to go through what I did.

I have that little dream inside of me, but another part of me is scared. I don't feel smart enough to go to medical school, to become a doctor. It's seems so huge, and really intimidating. What if I fail? What if I do all this work then don't make it into med school? What if I fail?
I know I'd need to work hard, and I'd have alot of time to figure it out, first college, then med school, but it's still scary.
So could you girls pray, for my and my little dream? About whether it's supposd to be a reality or not?
I would love that :)
Have a GREAT rest of the week girls..and don't forget to comment! I love hearing from you guys.

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