Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Trust and a Black Nissan

Hey girls...has it ever been a roller coaster of a day...and a week, now that I come to think of it. Filled with school, work, and ortho appointments,it's been pretty action packed here!!
So. Here's something I'm contemplating. My boss is selling an old car of hers. A '95 Nissan maxima, black, and in not too horrible shape...and only for $1800. I SO have that money. Seriously. So here's the dilemma: do I ask my parents about it, arrange things with my boss, and get my own car--or do I pass by this oppurtunity and save up $5000 and get a nicer car. One car I've had my eye on is the VW's a cute and safe car.
But...I mean it's my first car...what if I get in wreck? All those hours of working...totaled.
Also, if I buy the Nissan now, I could work for college tuitions, and not for a car.
Can you see my dilemma? I don't want to regret not getting a nicer car, but at the same time, the Nissan is not a beater, it's in good condition, and very cheap. So what do you guys think I should do?

Anyways, as interesting as car talk is, I had something different on my mind when I set out to write this post. The topic at hand--doubt.
I seem to be doing alot of that lately, and it's something that's really plaguing me. I think I have kind of a trust issue...i always get so scared that im going to be let down. Take my skin for example i worry, what if its just a fluke, what if it doesnt really clear up?
It even works that way sometimes in relationships too, I just have spells where I doubt and worry, and I really hate it I know it takes trust in God to dispel doubt../but how do I do that? How do I just trust in God? I want to, I want to just ignore my problems and trust. But again there's that nagging whisper in my ear..."problems won't go away if you just ignore them...what will trusting do? You have to take action!!" so that's when I do stupid things like pop pimples, text my friends nonstop because I need to know that they love me, or freak out for no apparent reason at all. It's like my common sense has absolutely no defense against these attacks, it just backs down and lets doubt take control...I want to stop that patteerm...but how?
Just by trusting God? Can it really be that simple? I know inside my heart that God is the only one with true wisdom, and He has a plan for my life, and he k OSS better than I do. I know that deep inside. So why is it so difficult to live it out?
But I just worry and worry till I'm all stressed out
It creates a feeling of not being in control, an my human nature just hates that.
It wants to be in charge, it wants to have all the answers, it wants to know the end of he story. I know I should try hard to suppress that's just super difficult, I suppose.
I know my problems may not immediately go away...but in the long eun, i will have benefitted from trusting God this unfortunately, i'm very much a short term person--i like to see results--fast!! But i know thats not how real life works, with anything, including trusting God.
So thts my challenge..amd really it should be all of our challenge, to trust God, no matter what the circumstances. Even if takes forever, and is really difficult.
Because if we can't have trust in our Creator, who can we have trut in? Nobody.
So I will trust Him..and so should you!!
That's my little note for the day..have a grat of the week girlies!
Ari /)
All my love, and God's blessings, Ari <3

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